One of my mentors, M. Scott Peck passed on a couple of weeks ago and I have been thinking a lot about him and what his writings have meant to me. I read The Road Less Travelled when I was 31 and had just been excommunicated from the Mormon church, after going to my Bishop and being honest about the dark secrets of my life.

The Road Less Travelled taught me a lot about 'The Map' and the difference between it and the actual territory. It taught me forbearance and delayed gratification. I learned that if I just stayed in a circumstance long enough, answers would start to appear. That book gave me hope that 'a poor wretch like me' might be able to make something of his life.

In addition to my other readings, I read his next book, People of the Lie. It gave me a real insight into my father, my church, and my country. It explained what it was that I hadn't trusted in any of them (and by extension, in myself). I understood the difference between 'appearance' and 'reality.' I got that most of society pays more attention to appearance than reality, but that that was incongruent to me. I got that I would rather honestly be angry, than pretend to be happy, but that much within our society is based on appearances, so much so, that many of us don't even recognize it as incongruent.

In my personal recovery, (using 12 steps), I grew and embraced all of me, the good, the bad, and the ugly. As I embraced it, the labels (good, bad, and ugly) went away, and it was simply who and what I was. I experienced myself as all that I had 'pretended' to be and began to like me. Besides doing John Bradshaw, Inner Child workshops, and other dysfunctional family work, I found Scotty's next book, Different Drum. Each of the previous books helped me expand my horizons and grow spiritually, but this book became the foundation for the rest of my life.

I read about the 4 stages of True Community and realized that that was what I had been seeking all of my life; first with self and God, then with others. I attended a Community Building Workshop (CBE) facilitated by Scotty and thought I was in heaven, sitting at the master's feet. I discovered that he was just as human and I and was simply one of 60 participants, willing to take responsibilty for his piece of True Community, but no more. Beyond reading about the principles, I spent the next 3 days experiencing them and having the courage to take responsibility for my piece of the experience. I had just finished reading Alice Miller's Drama of the Gifted Child and I longed to feel okay inside of me. I got the opportunity over that next three days to not only feel okay inside of my skin, but to feel okay as 1/60th of a true community (some other time I will write about my experiences there in more detail).

I have used what I experienced there and in subsequent CBWs as the foundation of my life, at work, at church, in my home, and in my dealings with mankind. I got an eMail about an hour after Scotty peacefully passed that he was gone. I sat at my computer in silent contemplation and felt sorry for myself. Then I realized how lucky I was to be touched by his teachings and to have known him as the 'impure' and 'imperfect' messenger. He talked about a world bigger than our petty State system; about a world where we take personal responsibility and don't have to reign down terror on others, where we are bigger than our differences!

Now I wake up and see the extreme right in our country taking far more senseless lives in Iraq than the extreme Muslems took in the attack on the twin towers. I see leadership so steeped in hypocrisy and lies that they can't even sort it out. I spent 6 years in Miliatry Intelligence as an Interogator and Intel Analyst. I was not in the least surprised at the pictures and stories of torture. Sad to say, I also wasn't surprised at the cover up and ultimate scape goating that went on. I look at the greed and lust for money in our country today and think that everyone must see it, but they don't want to talk about it.

This country took a terrible turn when little old nuns had their hospitals sold out from under them and American businessmen decided that they could be profit centers, instead of service centers. Healthcare is neither about health or care; it is about greed and quarterly earnings. The pharmaceutical companies in this country are not better. Vioxx had a legitimate use for some 500,000 users, but corporate greed led companies to pander it uses not suited so that it could become a super drug and pump up their earnings sheets. These two 'healthcare groups' are the real drug dealers in this country, but instead of going to jail they have the FDA in their pockets, they recieve grants, and are otherwise rewarding for their greed and graft.

So where am I going in all of this? I'm trying to reconcile my beliefs and hopes with the way that I experience this country that I live in. I don't believe that most politicians and business people in this country want True Community, but I wonder if there isn't a silent minority out there that have a greater vision of integrity and honesty and seek a higher road.

As for me, I will continue to follow The Road Less Travelled and seek companions along the way who would like to create a different reality than the vocal majority are currently creating. If you have a vision of a 'kinder, gentler' communtiy (to quote the senior Bush), I would love to hear from you. In the meantime, I will do my best to 'hold the space.'