Week 5’s focus is on taking risk to get what we want. The experiential part of it is doing the ROPEs course. Given my level of physical fitness this was a great challenge. My goal was to participate in every event to the best of my ability.
Before we started the events we had a discussion on what our individual purposes were. Pam was committed to leadership and confidence. Robert was committed to letting Robbie out. Each of us had our own focus. Mine was to hesitate less between the time I commit to doing something and the time I do it. I have a habit of deciding to do something and then second guessing or trying to make sure that everything is perfect so that there is no risk to me. My goal was to trust myself to the point that I would make a decision and then go on with it, without analysis paralysis!
Our first event was a mental challenge with figuring patterns and moving 4 of us from one side to the other following some rules. I was competent here because it was fairly cerebral. Once we figured out the pattern we did it again, with only Pam talking as she guided us through the steps. It took a number of tries, but they say we got it relatively fast.
We moved from there to a big swing. You are strapped in to the swing seat and given some extra protection. Then our team pulls a rope that pulls you forward and up, way up! At the top, when you hit the pulley, you declare your next step and release the slip knot. It frees you to swing backward to Oregon (well, it seemed like it) and then forward and backward.
I was nervous but as soon as there was a hesitation (3rd one) I volunteered and got harnessed. I then went up to the swing and Adam helped me in. This was the first time that I experienced the disadvantage of my weight. My excess stomach made it necessary to tighten the swing. It was very uncomfortable and meant that instead of holding on to the metal bar I had to hold on to the metal cable to keep from falling backward.
They started pulling me up and I made the first commitment to my purpose of acting deliberately and promptly. As soon as I got to the top I declared, “I am going to promote myself and my workshops and each one of you deserve the blessing of attending them.” I then let go of the knot and thought I was going to die. The cable was vibrating my palms something terrible and I was flying back toward Oregon! I held on for dear life, keeping my stomach tight against the bar. It was the most incredible swing I’ve ever been on. Mostly it was enjoyable except for the nausea, but regardless of any sensations, I made a commitment and followed up promptly!
Next we went to the Dragon Lair. We were all on a round wooden isle with dragon dung that would kill us all around. About 15 feet in front of us was a rope (uh Dragon hair), and fifteen feet beyond it was a very tiny gold door (small piece of wood) that we were to all get to safely so that we could escape the dragon. We could use the resources we had with us and had 20 minutes to get everyone safely there. We started out rather carelessly, but smart. We took belts, strapped then together. put my keys on the end for added weight and got ready to twirl them at the rope. We carelessly let one end touch the dragon stuff and lost all of them. In the meantime, we also had two people step to close to the edge. They were taken away.
By this time Jamie had been to me personally, and probably even one else, too, saying, “How can you guarantee your success.” He would go on to say that numerous times and I heard the words each time, but didn’t get it for quite a while yet. We managed to get the rope using shoelaces and got Pam across safely. We decided to get me over next as my size posed a challenge. Jamie again asked about guaranteeing our success. I jumped up and started to swing, but never got my feet on the rope note and came off half way there. We stopped the exercise at that point and they pointed out how careless we had been. They then told us that as soon as we lost the first person we were all gone. They asked us to think about this as life and death.
We started the second time and were much more careful of each other and worked together better. We got Pam across again and then a couple of others. We then decided that Diana and I were next ones to cross over. We were beginning to get that we needed to do something different, but still didn’t really get the whole guarantee your success concept. We discussed that we needed to have people securely above the knot to make sure they would cross safely. However, we spent so much time talking about it that we got the one minute warning. At that point we were trying to get Diana up on the knot and then let her go, but we let time over ride guarantee and Diana said she could make it. We all let go and she jumped. She got part way dragged her ankle like I had done, but turned it very severely. She went to the ground and knew instantly that it was broken.
Pam came up immediately and put Diana’s head in her lap. A couple guys ran for ice and all the sudden we were all taking it seriously. We comforted Diana as best we could. She had the wisdom to instruct us to call 911. They came and braced her ankle and took her to the Utah Regional Hospital. It turned out that she broke both bones and required pins and a plate to put it back together. We went to lunch and talked things over as a group. We were all pretty serious at this point.
When we came back from lunch we did a brain teaser with Adam and then when Jamie and Doug got there they said we were ready for the next event. I said that was great as long as it wasn’t the perch. Of course, we went to the perch! I watched the first two people go up and volunteered to be next. I geared up, felt my fear and went for it. Climbing the spikes wasn’t too hard, but last time (20 years ago) when I had done this I got to the perch, was able to sit on it, but never was willing to try to stand and jump to the ring. Even though I’m over 100 lbs heavier I wanted to beat that. Douglas was particularly instrumental in talking with me before going up. He kept re-enforcing that I intended to do my best.
I got to the top spike but could not physically move my body over and on to the perch. I kept trying to get that right foot up (making some pretty ugly sounds in the attempt), but could never even get on to the perch. I had lots of encouragement from the group and at one point they realized that I had given it all that I had. Doug asked me to affirm that and then asked what I was jumping to. I had committed to climb in the face of fear and to jump to freedom. My arms and legs were jelly but I had enough left that the second time they counted me to three I jumped the best I could and let Adam belet me down. I got down to the bottom and they all recognized my effort with a big group hug and high fives.
Initially, I had a hard time congratulating myself, because I hadn’t done as good as the first time and had hoped to do even better. As I thought about it, though, I realized some major differences. The first time, when I got to the perch, it was all about how I looked. I sat there for quite awhile trying to look like I was taking in the scenery, but truly, scared to death. I was afraid to jump. Somehow I reached back to the belet rope and grabbed it and sort of fell down. There was lots of hesitation and fear, but I went as far as I did because I wanted to look good in front of my wife and the others there.
This time, I had just as much fear, but I started and kept going at a steady pace. When I got to the top I didn’t stop other than to gather it together for yet another umph. I tried mounting the perch several times until I couldn’t trust my legs and hands to hold me. At that point I decided to jump as best I could and finish the event. I jumped and they brought me down and everyone celebrated. Hours later I realized that the big difference was that I didn’t care what I looked like. I cared what I accomplished. M. Scott Peck, in People of the Lie, describes how we can do the exact same thing and come from two entirely different places. He called them Level 2 people and Level 4 people. The Level 2 people cared what they looked like; Level 4 people cared what was inside. In twenty plus years I had moved from that Level 2 person that I see as a hypocrite to that Level 4 person! I really did beat the perch, even though it may have looked otherwise to the outside spectator.
From the perch we moved over to do some trust exercises. First we took turns laying down with our eyes closed and, in silence, the rest of the group picked us up to their shoulders, then above their heads, holding us, then slowly lowering us back to the ground. I went about 4th and enjoyed the experience.
Next we moved to the trust fall. We were to climb up on a platform where we had a choice of a 3 ft ledge or a 6 ft one. I got up first and went for the tall one. When I got there and looked down it looked a lot higher than it had from the ground. I contemplated asking to go from the lower ledge. However, I remembered my commitment to make decisions and then go with them. I turned around, locked my hands, called out ready, to which they shouted back ready, then falling with their response of fall on. I immediately started leaning back and next thing I knew I was falling. They caught me with ease and then held me while each of them shared their feelings about me.
I then got to help with each of the others as they took their turn. Each one of us went from the taller ledge and stayed in the arms while we were held and talked to, than lowered to the ground.
From here they had us form a circle and close our eyes. They took us blindfolded around the area and eventually ended up back at the dragon’s lair, putting us on the initial platform for the 3rd time. This time we got what they meant about guaranteeing our results and took the whole experience seriously. We were going to get everyone across and save us ALL.
We got Pam across with the extra gold (I mean board, which she put behind the short platform. Next we went to work and figured out that we could use belts between the strands of the rope to form loops that we could put our feet in to keep us above the dragon dung. Each time someone committed to cross over, we held them and the rope until we knew that they would make it.
I got my foot in the stirrup and stood up holding on to the rope. I started to turn around but they were holding the rope and made sure I was aimed and let me go. On the other side I was caught and put on the board with Silvia and Pam, then we caught the remaining people. We were extremely crowed, but still had Mat to bring over. We positioned everyone and made sure we were stable then had Mat come over. We were able to hold him long enough to get a picture! We were all really grateful that we had the opportunity to try it again and figure it out. Then we found out that we had done it in 10 minutes; half the time we had taken to fail the first two times!
From there we went to our final event. Because our numbers were small they decided to have us do the log instead of the wall. The difference was that we had a large log fastened between two trees, parallel to the ground about 11 ft high. Our goal was to get each of us over it to the other side. Adam asked if any of us had any concerns. I raised my hand and shared that my arms and legs were jello and I wasn’t sure I could get up on my own and wasn’t sure if the group would be able to help me.
Adam listened and then we started the task! We decided to get Mat up on the log and help from above while we worked from below to get me up. In the meantime we had figured out that we could put belts around the log to use as pull ups. People volunteered to have me stand on them and get me up. We started working and got my hands to the top of the log, but then I slipped and came down. We talked some more and went for it again. I got my arms around the log and got one leg in to the pull up, but couldn’t get the other one up. I lost grip again and came down. At that point, part of me wanted to take me out of the equation so that they could succeed, but I got that they wanted to succeed with me, not without me, so we went up for the third time. We pushed up twice and then on the third push I got my leg over and we knew that we had made it.
After I fell to the other side (with kind arms catching me), they started bringing the others over. With what we had learned it was relatively easy to get the rest up and over until the last one. Douglas came last and jumped up to the belts and then pulled himself up to where the two guys on the log were able to support him and finish pulling him over. Success and I didn’t even have to find an excuse to exclude myself so that they could succeed without having to figure out how to get me over! Even more amazing to me, was that this new group of friends preferred it that way!
We finished with a little tree hugging exercise and a de-briefing. We walked over to Jamie’s car to sign a card for Diana and I rolled myself in to my car to drive home. When I got home every muscle in my body hurt; the big muscles a lot. Many steps had involuntary groans with them, but it was one of the best tired states I have ever felt. My right knee, in particular, caused some extreme pain, but I knew that I had done the best I could and have succeeded in making a decision and then stepping up to it! My day was an incredible success!
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Week 4 Momentum and Affirmation
My affirmation is:
I am in demand as I present the Playbook Series with authenticity from my heart
This week we talked about judgement and how it can interfere with achieving our goals. My momentum steps are all base on that:
1 Be aware of judgement; given and received. Note who, what , when, where, and why
2 When I judge or feel judged I will grab the sticker off my shirt, was it up and throw it away
3 I will spend at least 2 minutes every day looking at my eyes in the mirror
4 I will write about how judgement hold me back from my goals
5 I will risk embarrassment to do something I really want to do
Additionally, I will do at least one more choice process this week.
I am in demand as I present the Playbook Series with authenticity from my heart
This week we talked about judgement and how it can interfere with achieving our goals. My momentum steps are all base on that:
1 Be aware of judgement; given and received. Note who, what , when, where, and why
2 When I judge or feel judged I will grab the sticker off my shirt, was it up and throw it away
3 I will spend at least 2 minutes every day looking at my eyes in the mirror
4 I will write about how judgement hold me back from my goals
5 I will risk embarrassment to do something I really want to do
Additionally, I will do at least one more choice process this week.
Choice Process-I don't trust that the Universe will support me vs The Universe is my source
Since starting my journey with Outlook, a key component has been their Choice Process. This process is the one I went through yesterday and is so powerful for me that I decided to write it out here and declare it to the world.
So, the way this works is that we decide on something that we want to change in our life and then work through a series of questions to arrive at a new belief and then look for evidence to support it.
I recently did a session with myself where I wrote to me from my non-dominant hand (I know what you are thinking; you’re right; I’m not normal)! I learned this process from John Bradshaw in an adult child workshop. In fact, my left hand produced one of the most powerful, life-changing letters I have ever written to myself (the letter is in the last chapter of our book, When Love Hurts).
This letter started with, “I am still that scared little boy. I know you’ve worked hard but I’m not sure I can trust. This insane world is not friendly to me.”
I asked with my right hand, ”What can I do to make it safe for you?“
He replied, ”I want to float. You struggle too much. I don’t want to live like that. You need to get in the flow. Float down the river enjoying it.“
Well, that became my topic for the Choice Process; I don’t trust that the Universe will support me.
I had the topic, but hadn’t written anything yet. In the meantime, on August 19th I posted on Facebook:
To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.' When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. Concentrate on this sentence... 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.' Something good will happen to you today; something that you have been waiting to hear.
In addition, 2 of my momentum steps had been completed by grace (meaning that I set an intention, but I didn’t do EVERYTHING to make them happen). See Saturday’s blog.
Actually, I was feeling somewhat smug and wasn’t sure that the trust thing was really an issue.
Let me set this up with one more piece. A real concern that any rationale person were be dealing with is that I’m still unemployed and have been since January. I’ve applied for dozens of IT positions with very few responses, fewer interviews and no job. That’s okay, though, because my friend Mary Ellen got a newsletter from LifeLine, an organization that works with addicted youth. On the back cover it had a Job Announcement. It read, ”Life-Line is currently looking for group staff members who are committed to living a healthy sober life style and follow the ideals of Life-Line. Group staff members are expected to be role models to the Life-Line youth through their personal values of spirituality, honesty, responsibility, and professionalism.
Mary Ellen, my wife Christine, Jamie, myself and others thought that that description had been written for me! I called and got an appointment to interview with them this coming Friday. There were several other coincidences that I won’t go through, but the bottom line was that I was feeling confidant that the universe had led me to the perfect source of income, right?
Yesterday afternoon I got a call that some things had changed at Life-Line and they were not going to be adding to their staff. They were canceling my interview. . . .
I immediately went to ‘what did I do wrong’, then SEE the Universe won’t support me! Now I have the grist to work through the Choice Process. From there I called Jamie and asked for support. I could have gone in several directions. What I couldn’t deny was that the Universe had supported me several time this week and that I wanted to believe that it does support me. I had just posted that God doesn’t take things away to punish, but to make room for something better. Did I really believe that?
I cried a little on the phone and hung up and cried some more. I allowed myself to feel angry, scared, ticked off, everything that came up, and decided it was time to write my choice process.
The Choice
I want to change my lack of trust that the Universe will support me.
What I have done that created what I currently have:
Expect to fail. Trying to force things. Not being willing to be vulnerable. Wanting to know the end before I begin.
What I am feeling is:
Anger, sadness, unworthy, unloved
The belief that is causing these feeling is:
If I don’t take care of me no one else (including God) will.
Tracking the belief
My belief is:
God won’t support me in living my dream
The last time I felt this was was:
When I got the call from LifeLine
I remember feeling this way when:
I lost my job
Other times I have felt this way were:
Every time I apply for a job
When I’m asked to do xmas lists
when I dare to dream
The first time I remember feeling this way was:
My eighth birthday when I wanted a bike and got baptismal clothes. I wrote a poem about it where I said, “even God mocked me.”
Tell the same story from the point of view of the other people involved:
We don’t have the money to buy a bike, but we can afford a nice new white shirt and tie. We will feel so proud of you at your baptism.
Tell the story again, but change it to the way you wanted it to turn out
Mike, we love you. We only have $X to spend for your birthday. How would you like us to spend it? We can look for a used bike, or whatever else YOU would like.
What is the Payoff/Negative Results
The payoffs I am getting for believing this are
It gives me an excuse to stay angry and feel sorry for myself.
I don’t have to take responsibility
I don’t have to put my money where my mouth is
The negative results I am getting for believing this are
I stay in doubt about my self-worth
I feel alone and abandoned
I don’t get my dreams
Choice
Do I want to continue believing this?
Absolutely not
What new belief do I choose to create for myself?
God/The Universe is my source
Gathering proof
God gave me my 2nd appt-thru Mark
God gave me my 3rd module-thru Myrna
God gave me the grist for this Choice Process-Life Line
God supported me and my family through the early years of my addiction recovery
When I prayed and did it differently, I got different results; I changed; I didn’t have to kill myself
6 days ago I posted on Facebook where I am now
Today I choose that God is my Source
Know what your new belief looks like
Today I choose that God is my Source
The people I know who believe that God is their Source
Jamie Utley
Myrna Hirst
Wally Vlasik
Jackie & Wayne Green
Rev Elizabeth O’Day
Michael William Gifford
What will change in my life now that believe that God is my Source
I can quit trying to force success and just enjoy it as it comes upon me
I know that I am
I will simply ‘be’ and ‘allow’ God’s grace to unfold in my life.
Immediate Momentum
God is my Source so I will
listen and act when moved upon
look for income opportunities without forcing them
stay in the fear, anger, unknowing, etc and continue to believe
language ‘as if’
God is My Source
So, the way this works is that we decide on something that we want to change in our life and then work through a series of questions to arrive at a new belief and then look for evidence to support it.
I recently did a session with myself where I wrote to me from my non-dominant hand (I know what you are thinking; you’re right; I’m not normal)! I learned this process from John Bradshaw in an adult child workshop. In fact, my left hand produced one of the most powerful, life-changing letters I have ever written to myself (the letter is in the last chapter of our book, When Love Hurts).
This letter started with, “I am still that scared little boy. I know you’ve worked hard but I’m not sure I can trust. This insane world is not friendly to me.”
I asked with my right hand, ”What can I do to make it safe for you?“
He replied, ”I want to float. You struggle too much. I don’t want to live like that. You need to get in the flow. Float down the river enjoying it.“
Well, that became my topic for the Choice Process; I don’t trust that the Universe will support me.
I had the topic, but hadn’t written anything yet. In the meantime, on August 19th I posted on Facebook:
To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.' When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. Concentrate on this sentence... 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.' Something good will happen to you today; something that you have been waiting to hear.
In addition, 2 of my momentum steps had been completed by grace (meaning that I set an intention, but I didn’t do EVERYTHING to make them happen). See Saturday’s blog.
Actually, I was feeling somewhat smug and wasn’t sure that the trust thing was really an issue.
Let me set this up with one more piece. A real concern that any rationale person were be dealing with is that I’m still unemployed and have been since January. I’ve applied for dozens of IT positions with very few responses, fewer interviews and no job. That’s okay, though, because my friend Mary Ellen got a newsletter from LifeLine, an organization that works with addicted youth. On the back cover it had a Job Announcement. It read, ”Life-Line is currently looking for group staff members who are committed to living a healthy sober life style and follow the ideals of Life-Line. Group staff members are expected to be role models to the Life-Line youth through their personal values of spirituality, honesty, responsibility, and professionalism.
Mary Ellen, my wife Christine, Jamie, myself and others thought that that description had been written for me! I called and got an appointment to interview with them this coming Friday. There were several other coincidences that I won’t go through, but the bottom line was that I was feeling confidant that the universe had led me to the perfect source of income, right?
Yesterday afternoon I got a call that some things had changed at Life-Line and they were not going to be adding to their staff. They were canceling my interview. . . .
I immediately went to ‘what did I do wrong’, then SEE the Universe won’t support me! Now I have the grist to work through the Choice Process. From there I called Jamie and asked for support. I could have gone in several directions. What I couldn’t deny was that the Universe had supported me several time this week and that I wanted to believe that it does support me. I had just posted that God doesn’t take things away to punish, but to make room for something better. Did I really believe that?
I cried a little on the phone and hung up and cried some more. I allowed myself to feel angry, scared, ticked off, everything that came up, and decided it was time to write my choice process.
The Choice
I want to change my lack of trust that the Universe will support me.
What I have done that created what I currently have:
Expect to fail. Trying to force things. Not being willing to be vulnerable. Wanting to know the end before I begin.
What I am feeling is:
Anger, sadness, unworthy, unloved
The belief that is causing these feeling is:
If I don’t take care of me no one else (including God) will.
Tracking the belief
My belief is:
God won’t support me in living my dream
The last time I felt this was was:
When I got the call from LifeLine
I remember feeling this way when:
I lost my job
Other times I have felt this way were:
Every time I apply for a job
When I’m asked to do xmas lists
when I dare to dream
The first time I remember feeling this way was:
My eighth birthday when I wanted a bike and got baptismal clothes. I wrote a poem about it where I said, “even God mocked me.”
Tell the same story from the point of view of the other people involved:
We don’t have the money to buy a bike, but we can afford a nice new white shirt and tie. We will feel so proud of you at your baptism.
Tell the story again, but change it to the way you wanted it to turn out
Mike, we love you. We only have $X to spend for your birthday. How would you like us to spend it? We can look for a used bike, or whatever else YOU would like.
What is the Payoff/Negative Results
The payoffs I am getting for believing this are
It gives me an excuse to stay angry and feel sorry for myself.
I don’t have to take responsibility
I don’t have to put my money where my mouth is
The negative results I am getting for believing this are
I stay in doubt about my self-worth
I feel alone and abandoned
I don’t get my dreams
Choice
Do I want to continue believing this?
Absolutely not
What new belief do I choose to create for myself?
God/The Universe is my source
Gathering proof
God gave me my 2nd appt-thru Mark
God gave me my 3rd module-thru Myrna
God gave me the grist for this Choice Process-Life Line
God supported me and my family through the early years of my addiction recovery
When I prayed and did it differently, I got different results; I changed; I didn’t have to kill myself
6 days ago I posted on Facebook where I am now
Today I choose that God is my Source
Know what your new belief looks like
Today I choose that God is my Source
The people I know who believe that God is their Source
Jamie Utley
Myrna Hirst
Wally Vlasik
Jackie & Wayne Green
Rev Elizabeth O’Day
Michael William Gifford
What will change in my life now that believe that God is my Source
I can quit trying to force success and just enjoy it as it comes upon me
I know that I am
I will simply ‘be’ and ‘allow’ God’s grace to unfold in my life.
Immediate Momentum
God is my Source so I will
listen and act when moved upon
look for income opportunities without forcing them
stay in the fear, anger, unknowing, etc and continue to believe
language ‘as if’
God is My Source
Saturday, August 22, 2009
The Absence of ‘The Truth’ Sets Us Free
I had 2 momentum steps this week that happened because I set the intention, not because I ‘brute forced’ my way through them.
One momentum step was to set to dates for presentations. I had set one, but not the second one. I went to church at Religious Science and at the end Mark Welch came up to me and asked if I could do a guest lecture for his Psych 101 students. I said sure, and not only had the appt, but actually delivered on it the very next day!
I met about 60 young adults and had an incredible experience sharing with them what I believe about Confirmation Bias and the limitations it brings to our life. Their response was incredible. Most of them were like sponges, wanting any information that would improve the quality of their life and bring them closer to knowing who they really are (divine). It convinced me that the message and the timing are perfect and that there are many people who will respond in a positive way as I spread the gospel of self-love!
The over riding discovery we went through during the presentation was that if you know something, you can’t know anything else about that. The pictures, dots, mind gyms, etc, pointed out and re-inforced that as long as they held one thing to be true (their box) they could not easily hold anything else to be true. Before they could embrace a new truth they had to be willing to abandon their ‘known’ truth.
My second momentum step was to rough out two more modules. Christine and I spent time on the Poisonous vs Healthy Pedagogy, but I didn’t have a second one done. I had an appointment with Myrna Tuesday at Religious Science to Mind Map the presentations.
Low and behold, by the time we had refined our second mind map, we had the map for a NEW presentation that wasn’t anywhere on my list!
We’re calling it Living in a Cave, and it is the presentation that introduces the whole concept that we live our lives with filters (or plays in our Playbook) and that we have Choice in keeping them, changing them, or eliminating them all together!
One momentum step was to set to dates for presentations. I had set one, but not the second one. I went to church at Religious Science and at the end Mark Welch came up to me and asked if I could do a guest lecture for his Psych 101 students. I said sure, and not only had the appt, but actually delivered on it the very next day!
I met about 60 young adults and had an incredible experience sharing with them what I believe about Confirmation Bias and the limitations it brings to our life. Their response was incredible. Most of them were like sponges, wanting any information that would improve the quality of their life and bring them closer to knowing who they really are (divine). It convinced me that the message and the timing are perfect and that there are many people who will respond in a positive way as I spread the gospel of self-love!
The over riding discovery we went through during the presentation was that if you know something, you can’t know anything else about that. The pictures, dots, mind gyms, etc, pointed out and re-inforced that as long as they held one thing to be true (their box) they could not easily hold anything else to be true. Before they could embrace a new truth they had to be willing to abandon their ‘known’ truth.
My second momentum step was to rough out two more modules. Christine and I spent time on the Poisonous vs Healthy Pedagogy, but I didn’t have a second one done. I had an appointment with Myrna Tuesday at Religious Science to Mind Map the presentations.
Low and behold, by the time we had refined our second mind map, we had the map for a NEW presentation that wasn’t anywhere on my list!
We’re calling it Living in a Cave, and it is the presentation that introduces the whole concept that we live our lives with filters (or plays in our Playbook) and that we have Choice in keeping them, changing them, or eliminating them all together!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
We celebrated our youngest daughter's 21st Birthday
Jessi turned 21 today, so she wanted to celebrate at the Tavernacle, a local bar named after the Mormon Tabernacle. Tonight was dueling pianos night. Christine and I got there a little after 9. Jessi, Amanda, Melissa & Cyndi were already there. Julie, and Angie & Greg came later. There were also a few girlfriends and Paul, Jessi’s boyfriend.
It was so neat to sit there and watch our 6 daughters having fun, enjoying each others company, and in general, being incredibly functioning adults. We have been truly blessed by our daughters and I am so proud as I watch them go out on their own, get in to relationships, and live meaningful lives.
None of us, starting with me, is living the life I would have thought 30 years ago, but we all seem to have peace and joy as an integral part of our lives. I know that for me, my migration from religious to spiritual was a huge piece of who I have become. Having said that, I think the time in Youth of Unity (YOU) for our 4 youngest daughters has helped them to become the independent free spirits that they are.
I can’t believe my littlest one is 21! I am incredibly proud of each of them. I feel very lucky to be their father and to get to watch them grow. Today, three of the girls were at the house, with all 3 grandchildren. It is so fun to have them all in my life. I feel honored that they are independent, but none have been in a hurry to leave our house. They seem to find peace and joy here.
We took a bunch of pictures that I will post on Facebook. You can see how happy they are, and what good friends they all seem to be. As their father, I can’t ask for anything more!
It was so neat to sit there and watch our 6 daughters having fun, enjoying each others company, and in general, being incredibly functioning adults. We have been truly blessed by our daughters and I am so proud as I watch them go out on their own, get in to relationships, and live meaningful lives.
None of us, starting with me, is living the life I would have thought 30 years ago, but we all seem to have peace and joy as an integral part of our lives. I know that for me, my migration from religious to spiritual was a huge piece of who I have become. Having said that, I think the time in Youth of Unity (YOU) for our 4 youngest daughters has helped them to become the independent free spirits that they are.
I can’t believe my littlest one is 21! I am incredibly proud of each of them. I feel very lucky to be their father and to get to watch them grow. Today, three of the girls were at the house, with all 3 grandchildren. It is so fun to have them all in my life. I feel honored that they are independent, but none have been in a hurry to leave our house. They seem to find peace and joy here.
We took a bunch of pictures that I will post on Facebook. You can see how happy they are, and what good friends they all seem to be. As their father, I can’t ask for anything more!
Week 3 Day 1
My affirmation is:
I am in demand as I present the Playbook Series with authenticity from my heart.
My momentum steps for this week are:
I am in demand as I present the Playbook Series with authenticity from my heart.
My momentum steps for this week are:
- Breakdown and quantify my goals
- Time travel with at least 3 people
- Set up 2 more presentations
- Write 2 more rough drafts of modules
- Continue posting and sharing
- During our regular meeting we did a Time Travel Excercise. For this we moved ahead to our graduation day, which is Oct 27th. We wrote down several things as we viewed them at that date, having successfully achieved our goals
- I am paying all of my bills
- I have seminars planned in Salt Lake and throughout the Northwest.
- I’m getting inquiries from our website from all over the US and the world.
- People are requesting appearances.
- I’m actually creating additional staff members to help with the workshops.
- I am a great presenter
- What I have to share has incredible value to others
- I am a man of integrity
- I am even more authentic
- It is okay to shine my light; in fact, to do less is unacceptable
- Being on this earth is a blessing to eveyone
- What are the top 5 benefits to my life?
- I don’t have stress about answering the phone
- I’m excited to get up every morning
- I don’t have financial stress; we pay our bills timely and save and buy things
- My life is in total harmony; my income comes from doing what I love
- My life has incredible meaning
- Created my team
- Started creating modules
- Committed to the Coaching
- Did 100% every week
- Started setting up presentations
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Death
Yesterday I got an eMail from a friend asking that we cease all efforts to support her brother (another friend) in his efforts to heal from Cancer. She wrote:
Thank you all very much for your love and your energy work on xxx. He is ready to go and so if you would please un-plug and send him on we would be grateful. If any of you have been experiencing un-do pain it is probably because you are plugged in. I am writing to let you know.
Much love and blessing to each of you,
So, here’s the rub for me;
I’ve been a long time advocate of self-determination in life, including death. I’ve been fairly verbose in stating that I don’t mind living past 100 if I have a ‘quality’ of life, but that I don’t want to live past 60 without that. I have a hard time seeing myself in a care center or otherwise being cared for by others, yet when I got this message about a friend who had been healthier than me, I got a huge knot in my gut.
I know he has been through a lot. I know that the last time I saw him he was a shadow of his former self. I know that Huntsman Cancer Institute gave up previously, yet I’d also heard reports of progress. The thought of him not being here did not equate, but especially of him just saying I quit and slipping in to some other state of being…
I worked hard on not feeling anything yesterday, in spite of attempts from a daughter and friend to help me see what I was feeling. Frankly, I didn’t want to explore and/or feel anything. As I’m sitting here I’m feeling my own vulnerability and mortality, and I’m already missing another friend. I guess the good news is that I have no judgment of his choices. IT’S ALL ABOUT ME, AGAIN! His choices are mirrors for my own stuff.
Some incredible changes are happening in my life and I’m exciting about living life and seeing just how far I can go and what I can manifest. I don’t want to be distracted by my mortality. I want black and white answers, none of this ‘between the endpoints’ stuff. I’ve put down 3 family labs. I cried each time and really missed them, yet I knew when it was time to put them down. It was more humane to help them move on than to keep them here. Why can’t it be that simple with us humans? Life isn’t black and white, thank God; I love full colored life; but it would be simpler if…
Thank you all very much for your love and your energy work on xxx. He is ready to go and so if you would please un-plug and send him on we would be grateful. If any of you have been experiencing un-do pain it is probably because you are plugged in. I am writing to let you know.
Much love and blessing to each of you,
So, here’s the rub for me;
I’ve been a long time advocate of self-determination in life, including death. I’ve been fairly verbose in stating that I don’t mind living past 100 if I have a ‘quality’ of life, but that I don’t want to live past 60 without that. I have a hard time seeing myself in a care center or otherwise being cared for by others, yet when I got this message about a friend who had been healthier than me, I got a huge knot in my gut.
I know he has been through a lot. I know that the last time I saw him he was a shadow of his former self. I know that Huntsman Cancer Institute gave up previously, yet I’d also heard reports of progress. The thought of him not being here did not equate, but especially of him just saying I quit and slipping in to some other state of being…
I worked hard on not feeling anything yesterday, in spite of attempts from a daughter and friend to help me see what I was feeling. Frankly, I didn’t want to explore and/or feel anything. As I’m sitting here I’m feeling my own vulnerability and mortality, and I’m already missing another friend. I guess the good news is that I have no judgment of his choices. IT’S ALL ABOUT ME, AGAIN! His choices are mirrors for my own stuff.
Some incredible changes are happening in my life and I’m exciting about living life and seeing just how far I can go and what I can manifest. I don’t want to be distracted by my mortality. I want black and white answers, none of this ‘between the endpoints’ stuff. I’ve put down 3 family labs. I cried each time and really missed them, yet I knew when it was time to put them down. It was more humane to help them move on than to keep them here. Why can’t it be that simple with us humans? Life isn’t black and white, thank God; I love full colored life; but it would be simpler if…
Week 2 Day 2-4
So I sent out the invitations to my five most influential friends to be my guides during this 90 day process. When I went to push the send button, I felt the twinge of, “What if they say no,” but I clicked the send button anyway. This morning, I had my first response from Myrna. I was excited when I saw her name, but as I approached the eMail I started to panic, “what if …” I opened it and she responded:
Who, me? I’d be honored. Count me in.
Myrna
Wow. What good friends I have. I too am honored that she would value me and my dream enough to Say Yes!
Thursday I heard from Mary Ellen that she would love to support me.
Friday, Wally sent me an eMail and said he’d be happy to support me, also.
That gives me 4 yes-es and 1 to go!
Who, me? I’d be honored. Count me in.
Myrna
Wow. What good friends I have. I too am honored that she would value me and my dream enough to Say Yes!
Thursday I heard from Mary Ellen that she would love to support me.
Friday, Wally sent me an eMail and said he’d be happy to support me, also.
That gives me 4 yes-es and 1 to go!
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Week 2 Day 1
This week’s focus is on overcoming obstacles. One method for doing that is like gestalt therapy; sitting in one chair and playing the Goober, with victim language and a can’t attitude, then moving to the other chair and being my own GURU, responding to the concerns of the Goober.
My greatest obstacle was self-doubt. Here’s the advice my GURU offered:
I am in demand because I present the Playbook Series with authenticity from my heart.
My 90 day goal:
The What: I have completed at least 12 modules of the Playbook Series and to have completed at least 12 presentations.
The Why: Completing this goal will create even more integrity and congruence in my life. It will also reflect on a more complete Abundance, including financial. It will reflect my passion and create the highest level of freedom that I have ever experienced.
My greatest obstacle was self-doubt. Here’s the advice my GURU offered:
- It’s time to move toward doing it
- Have courage
- Remember your past successes; Sliding Rock in Samoa; only regret; wasting an hour before jumping in
- It’s not about trying-just do it
- Isn’t the experience worthwhile?
- Make the magic happen
- Take the leap of faith into oblivion with no guarantees; you did it once before, you can do it again
- Just keep doing what you’re doing-keep it up!
- Keep writing and posting
- Keep reading my affirmation
- Contact at least 4 people about the 1 Day Intensive
- Approach Rev Elizabeth about being my mentor
- Use my GURU Advice; read it daily
- Set at least 2 appts w/GURU this week
- Contact 5 people about being guides through this process and invite them to the next mtg
- I have selected Angela, Myrna, Dan Muncie-Jarvis, Wally, and Mary Ellen
I am in demand because I present the Playbook Series with authenticity from my heart.
My 90 day goal:
The What: I have completed at least 12 modules of the Playbook Series and to have completed at least 12 presentations.
The Why: Completing this goal will create even more integrity and congruence in my life. It will also reflect on a more complete Abundance, including financial. It will reflect my passion and create the highest level of freedom that I have ever experienced.
Sunday, August 09, 2009
Week 1 Day 6
Christine and I attended Outlook’s new 1 Day Intensive yesterday. It was an incredible experience! We had a working lunch where we had an assignment called Power 3.
We were to:
The husband turned to his wife and said, “Give him some quarters! He can get the hugs somewhere else!” This was the first couple I opened my mouth to!
For my Random Act of Kindness, I noticed a Gas Station across the road. I walked up to the intersection and then talked myself out of crossing the road. I walked back to the restaurant, knowing that I had committed to success and that I fully intended to make my commitment. About then Robert walked out. I asked if he had his Random Act of Kindness yet? He said he didn’t, so I suggested we walk across the road and clean windshields. He said sure and we crossed the road. The first guy I asked declined, but the next lady, even though it was raining and she wasn’t under the cover said, “Sure!” I was her windows and commented on what good condition she kept her SUV in. She was flattered and told me that she would tip me if she had any money. I told her I wasn’t looking for anything in exchange, but that I would love a hug, if that was okay. I got a great hug, and helped her to have a great day.
Robert had equal success with a young mom and her teenage daughter who gave us both hugs and went smiling on her way! We went to cross the road again, but the light cycle was off so we got back under the cover and chatted with a motorcyclist who was traveling through to Oregon. We had a great talk and gave him some suggestions on how to avoid I-15 through Salt Lake and Davis Counties. We crossed the street feeling better ourselves, with our commitments completed!
Robert thanked me for getting him out, and I acknowledged to him that I had tried it once on my own and had given in to fear. We both were served by supporting each other. As we were getting in Melissa’s SUV she said she hadn’t received her quarters yet. I said, “Let’s get out and get it.” She hopped out and while I was looking for someone she could talk to she saw a young couple and went straight up to them, asking for two quarters, without any explanation. It took the young man several minutes, but he looked and looked, until he was able to give her the quarters. She came back and thanked me for pushing her, but what I saw was a very determined lady who just needed to take the first step. After that first step I don’t think you could have stopped her! What a cool lunch!!
We were to:
- Give one Random Act Of Kindness
- Receive two Quarters
- Exchange three Hugs
The husband turned to his wife and said, “Give him some quarters! He can get the hugs somewhere else!” This was the first couple I opened my mouth to!
For my Random Act of Kindness, I noticed a Gas Station across the road. I walked up to the intersection and then talked myself out of crossing the road. I walked back to the restaurant, knowing that I had committed to success and that I fully intended to make my commitment. About then Robert walked out. I asked if he had his Random Act of Kindness yet? He said he didn’t, so I suggested we walk across the road and clean windshields. He said sure and we crossed the road. The first guy I asked declined, but the next lady, even though it was raining and she wasn’t under the cover said, “Sure!” I was her windows and commented on what good condition she kept her SUV in. She was flattered and told me that she would tip me if she had any money. I told her I wasn’t looking for anything in exchange, but that I would love a hug, if that was okay. I got a great hug, and helped her to have a great day.
Robert had equal success with a young mom and her teenage daughter who gave us both hugs and went smiling on her way! We went to cross the road again, but the light cycle was off so we got back under the cover and chatted with a motorcyclist who was traveling through to Oregon. We had a great talk and gave him some suggestions on how to avoid I-15 through Salt Lake and Davis Counties. We crossed the street feeling better ourselves, with our commitments completed!
Robert thanked me for getting him out, and I acknowledged to him that I had tried it once on my own and had given in to fear. We both were served by supporting each other. As we were getting in Melissa’s SUV she said she hadn’t received her quarters yet. I said, “Let’s get out and get it.” She hopped out and while I was looking for someone she could talk to she saw a young couple and went straight up to them, asking for two quarters, without any explanation. It took the young man several minutes, but he looked and looked, until he was able to give her the quarters. She came back and thanked me for pushing her, but what I saw was a very determined lady who just needed to take the first step. After that first step I don’t think you could have stopped her! What a cool lunch!!
Friday, August 07, 2009
Week 1 Day 4
I’ve had some great days since we started the Coaching Class. I feel real positive about achieving my 90 goal, and yet I still have rough roads. Today was one of the less than stellar days.
I was talking to Christine and remembering the first days, weeks, and months of my sobriety in SA 25 years ago. That journey has turned out incredible, but I wasn’t sure it would in those early days.
The magic of twelve step was acting as if in the absence of certainty. We talked about sobriety feeling like it was ‘off the edge, into oblivion.’
There were times when I see huge temptation on my way to a meeting, but I continued to believe and put one foot in front of the next.
Now that I’m dealing with money and accepting financial abundance with the rest of my abundance, I’m feeling some of the same ‘newbie’ feelings, and sometimes wondering what the f---k I think I’m doing. Today, I had one of those challenges. While I’m focused on, and believe, that financial abundance is nigh, I went to the Utah Food Bank to get some food.
We stood in line for over an hour with a lot of people of all different backgrounds. I remembered my first SA meeting and the judgment I had of the leader of that meeting. When he introduced himself and said, “I’ve been sober for two years,” I had hope for the first time in a long time. and it wasn’t coming from someone who looked to have his act together.
Today, as I stood there, I felt shame and embarrassment that I was there with all that I know and believe. I even did some comparison, but the really cool thing was that when we got inside, the workers had no judgment about us. They were simply there to serve us.
I’m not proud of the choices I’ve made in the past that got me there, but I’m excited that I can make new choices and go to a new place! I’ve stopped blaming and justifying and accept responsibility for where I am and where I’m going.
I also noticed that while I felt shame and embarrassment, it didn’t last as long nor occupy as much mind and heart space as it did 25 years ago. I know this will have it’s challenges, but I also know I did it once before and that the effort was worth it.
Finally, I got a start of a website up today. It is http://www.playbookbychoice.com. I’m excited with where I’m heading and excited to have the support of the Outlook staff, my coach, and my buddies. Thanks Robert and Mat.
I was talking to Christine and remembering the first days, weeks, and months of my sobriety in SA 25 years ago. That journey has turned out incredible, but I wasn’t sure it would in those early days.
The magic of twelve step was acting as if in the absence of certainty. We talked about sobriety feeling like it was ‘off the edge, into oblivion.’
There were times when I see huge temptation on my way to a meeting, but I continued to believe and put one foot in front of the next.
Now that I’m dealing with money and accepting financial abundance with the rest of my abundance, I’m feeling some of the same ‘newbie’ feelings, and sometimes wondering what the f---k I think I’m doing. Today, I had one of those challenges. While I’m focused on, and believe, that financial abundance is nigh, I went to the Utah Food Bank to get some food.
We stood in line for over an hour with a lot of people of all different backgrounds. I remembered my first SA meeting and the judgment I had of the leader of that meeting. When he introduced himself and said, “I’ve been sober for two years,” I had hope for the first time in a long time. and it wasn’t coming from someone who looked to have his act together.
Today, as I stood there, I felt shame and embarrassment that I was there with all that I know and believe. I even did some comparison, but the really cool thing was that when we got inside, the workers had no judgment about us. They were simply there to serve us.
I’m not proud of the choices I’ve made in the past that got me there, but I’m excited that I can make new choices and go to a new place! I’ve stopped blaming and justifying and accept responsibility for where I am and where I’m going.
I also noticed that while I felt shame and embarrassment, it didn’t last as long nor occupy as much mind and heart space as it did 25 years ago. I know this will have it’s challenges, but I also know I did it once before and that the effort was worth it.
Finally, I got a start of a website up today. It is http://www.playbookbychoice.com. I’m excited with where I’m heading and excited to have the support of the Outlook staff, my coach, and my buddies. Thanks Robert and Mat.
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Week 1 Momentum and Affirmation
Here are my momentum steps for Week 1:
1. Start building my team by meeting with Myrna
2. Get feedback from Religious Science on which modules will work best for their youth/adult/combined program.
3. Declare my goal to at least 5 outside people.
4. Post my goal and/or affirmation everywhere.
6. Follow-up on venues for workshops.
My Affirmation is:
I present the Playbook Series in colorful environments with music and exciting energy. I am in demand because I am authentic and I present from my heart.
My 90 day goal:
The What: I have completed at least 12 modules of the Playbook Series and to have completed at least 12 presentations.
The Why: Completing this goal will create even more integrity and congruence in my life. It will also reflect on a more complete Abundance, including financial. It will reflect my passion and create the highest level of freedom that I have ever experienced.
1. Start building my team by meeting with Myrna
2. Get feedback from Religious Science on which modules will work best for their youth/adult/combined program.
3. Declare my goal to at least 5 outside people.
4. Post my goal and/or affirmation everywhere.
6. Follow-up on venues for workshops.
My Affirmation is:
I present the Playbook Series in colorful environments with music and exciting energy. I am in demand because I am authentic and I present from my heart.
My 90 day goal:
The What: I have completed at least 12 modules of the Playbook Series and to have completed at least 12 presentations.
The Why: Completing this goal will create even more integrity and congruence in my life. It will also reflect on a more complete Abundance, including financial. It will reflect my passion and create the highest level of freedom that I have ever experienced.
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