My Gospital

I woke up this morning at about 3 and had this great thought. It was so compelling to me that I wanted to come write it here and declare it to the world.

BTW, Have I told you all recently how incredible I am, and fabulous my workshop series is? I am and they are!

The word Gospital came to my mind. Initially I thought that was kind of weird and tried to dismiss it, to no avail. As I contemplated the word it was obvious that it was a contraction of Gospel and Hospital. As I considered my own path, I realized that much of the source of my pain was church and family, that with the best of intents, constantly told me that I was wrong! Most of my woundedness came from trying to be true to myself, to the inner light, yet finding myself constantly at odds with the ‘shoulds’ in my life.

For example, that faith promoting story that my mom and I told about my thumb sucking. When I was about 3 I still sucked my thumb. My mom tried pepper, a sock around the hand and all kinds of other stuff to help me not to suck my thumb at night. The first thing that comes to my mind today as a father is that I must have really wanted to suck my thumb awfully bad!

My mom came to me with her belief system and asked me how I could overcome my thumb sucking. My first thought was, “why do I want to overcome something that brings me such pleasure,” but even at that tender young age I figured out that that wasn’t the correct response. She talked to me about how I could pray to God every night and ask for His help in overcoming. The story is told of how she would sit at my bed and night and watch the struggle of the thumb. It would start toward my mouth and I would catch it and resist. Eventually, over the next couple of weeks, I overcame! My mother and I have told that story many times over the years as a faith promoting story of how God can help anyone overcome.

With all love and respect to my mother, that story has come to have a whole different meaning to me today. Today I see that 3 year old Mikie as a confidant young man who trusted himself. Every once in a while, especially in his sleep, he enjoyed the comfort of his thumb in his mouth. In all sincerity, his mother came, and due to societal norms, let Mikie know that what he was doing wasn’t okay. The additional, unintended message was ‘you are not okay, and you cannot trust your inner directions.’ Not only that, but ‘you can use God as a sledge hammer (in more polite circles a ‘Refiners Fire’) to beat the bad out of you.’

As I have worked through the choice processes there is a point where we go back to our earliest memory that led to the erroneous feeling that we are working on. My thumbsucking experience is the most common experience that I go back to, regardless of the negative belief!

When I first discovered sex and it felt so good, I remembered my thumbsucking! When I first fell in love with a young lady I remembered my thumbsucking! When I dreamed my dreams of greatness and had those inner promptings I remembered my thumbsucking. When I tried to talk and express my inner self I remembered my thumbsucking, and I stuttered, as I tried to force the words out!

Lest I be misunderstood here, I get that thumbsucking, per se, has no significance and I’m not ready to start a national movement to encourage thumbsucking. However, the meaning and interpretation I gave it are significant, and my entire purpose in life is to overcome that message!

The message I got was that thumbsucking was not okay and because I wanted to suck mine, by extension, I was not okay, and I definitely could not trust my thoughts. My mission today is to convey to those in my workshops and anyone with whom I have contact that not one of us is broken; not one of us can get better answers for our life than those that come from within; not one of us is not loveable and valuable, as we are!

Just for giggles here is my contrast. My youngest granddaughter, Kennady, loves to suck her thumb. I love babysitting her. The greatest pleasure I get is laying down and putting her on my chest, holding her as she goes to sleep. As she gets sleepy, you can tell because one of her thumbs sneaks up to her little mouth and she puts it in. Shortly after that she goes to sleep. Her body goes limp and she trusts herself and her grandpa enough to just melt in to me! I wouldn’t have her any other way!

Well, I’ve told quite a story to get to the point of Gospital. Simply put, one of my favorite missions in life is to help heal perceived wounds, especially those initiated in church, or in the name of God! No matter where I go or what I present, I will always think of my facility as a Gospital for those who mistaken feel that they are sick.