My Positive Review for the last 90 days of Coaching

This is what I wrote about me now:

1. I’ve started writing again; AND it’s GOOD!!


2. I’m paying bills and moving toward being a paid facilitator.


3. I’ve re-connected with several old friends


4. I SING!!


5. I’m doing great presentations with authenticity from my heart.


6. I’m asking for help.


7. I’m being less self-reliant.


8. I’m stepping up quicker and more often with less hesitation.


9. I judge less and love and accept more.


10. I trust myself.


11. I listen inside more (GURU)


12. I’m more committed to me and to life and to my dream.


13. I’m living my dream!


14. I believe in me and my ability to do.


15. I’m doing what I’ve been teaching and supporting the youth in doing (living my dream).

Next, while sitting in the hot seat (being the first one to volunteer to do whatever we were about to do) I listened to my peers tell me what they saw in me. Here is what they said (as written by Christine):

1. Good writing-Impressive


2. You Shine/Radiate


3. You support Christine


4. You gave 100% at ROPES


5. You are a giving person


6. You are more serious-not joking to avoid feelings


7. You connect with your heart even more


8. You are even more willing to be vulnerable


9. You are willing to ask for help


10. You have a great story-an amazing book (When Love Hurts)


11. You are more confidant and know what you want


12. You were willing to go door to door selling water to meet our objective


13. You are genuinely caring and concerned; a big Teddy Bear


14. You trust your team more


15. You are willing to let go of appearances


16. You are committed to yourself and your goal


17. You always got 100% on Momentums and weekly activity


18. You sing more and are on pitch.

That false modesty part of me found it awkward to sit there and hear everything they said. Truthfully, everything they and I said about me is true; and I claim it!!

Each of us took our turn in the chair reading what we had written about ourselves and then listening to what others had to say about us. It was easy to find kewl things to say about everyone of my peers. It has been a life-changing experience for me to spend the last 90 days with Mat & Pam Gover, Robbie & Sylvia Rainaldi, Diana Gourley, and of course, my wife Christine. My life is forever changed, as are theirs, and we got to share that experience with each other. Of course, the main catalyst for our change was from our two coaches, Jamie Utley and Douglas Phillips, and our two coaches.

To Jamie and Douglas, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for encouraging me to dream again. To my peers in the class, I feel sooo honored to have been through that with you and to experience you, too, changing. To my support team; Dan, Wally Myrna, Mary Ellen, and Angie; I thank you for taking this journey with me and sharing your insites.

I AM IN HIGH DEMAND AS I PASSIONATELY PRESENT THE PLAYBOOK SERIES WITH AUTHENTICITY FROM MY HEART!!

Week 12 Mind the GAP

This is the final week of coaching! Our celebration and graduation are scheduled for next Tuesday from 6-9. This week we talked about not focusing on the GAP between our ideal self and how we currently see ourselves. In Europe they have signs that say, “Mind the Gap” posted in subways, reminding people to beware of the open space between the rail car and the platform that you stand on, waiting to enter the train. When we focus on the perceived gap between how we see ourselves now and our ideal us, it can lead to a lot of shoulds, guilt, comparisons and other things that take our focus off of where we are going. My momentums this week on based on staying out of the gap and helping others, as well as ourselves, to see the end game, including looking back at all that has been accomplished.

My affirmation:
I am in High demand as I Passionately present the Playbook Series with authenticity from my heart.

Momentums:

1. Post my ‘out of GAP’ affirmations.


2. Post the feedback that I received from my peers in the coaching class.


3. Share my experience/accomplishments with at least 2 new someones this week.


4. Look for opportunities to help others see who they really are.


5. Follow up within two days on each response I get and accept that they value what I am offering.

That’s all that I am going to write tonight, but you can see from 1 and 2 above that I have some pretty cool things to post.

Week 11- The Eleventh Hour; or the Red Phone

Here are my Affirmation and Momentums for this week:

Affirmation: I am in High demand as I Passionately present the Playbook Series with authenticity from my heart.

Momentums:

1. Red Phone-I am contacting all the Unity and Religious Science Centers in the Northwest this week, first by eMail, then a follow-up phone call, to introduce myself and offer to present an intro to the Playbook Series.


2. Reconnect with all of my support people at a deeper level, going over my goal and accepting their support and help.


3. Find a collaborator for web and design.


4. Commit to ‘being’ what I teach at an even higher level. Add at least 5 new plays to my personal Playbook by Choice.


5. Be willing to stay in the struggle to experience the balance between me ‘making’ this happen vs trusting the universe and ‘allowing’ it to happen. Listen and write what I re-discover.

Everyone has heard of the Red Phone in the White House that gives the President immediate access to all the super powers in the world. We talked about coming to the end of our coaching and developing our Super Powers around our goal and using the Red Phone to commit to another human being to accomplish a rather large momentum that will lead to our goal.

I thought about my super power and came up with Jonathon Livingston Seagull. I love the way he went about exploring and seeking his truth regardless of what his ‘peeps’ were doing and regardless of what they thought. He wanted their friendship, but exploring and finding his truth was even more important. He talked about eating to live, not living to eat.

The story of him out over the ocean practicing his dives drives me! He was practicing flying fast like a falcon and making progress, but had a hard time controlling his wings in their tucked state. He worked at it and had some success, then on his final dive he lost control and plummeted into the water causing some damage. He decided to give up because what he was doing wasn’t natural and who was he to think he could do what the others weren’t doing. He started to fly back to his tribe, using the laborious wing flap that was his ‘nature’ agreeing to just be one of the flock. Early in to his flight it dawned on him that he was flying at night, and Seagulls don’t fly at night!

Jonathon looked at that and that inner light came through and he re-affirmed that there was more to his life than the flock recognized. He flew back up in to the sky and started diving again, and had his greatest success to that point, as he was able to hold his wings and scoop through the air like no Seagull before him!

My Super Hero combines those traits of Jonathon with my desire to remain a kid and have fun with this whole process. I am Boundless Truth Living DUDE! The boundless refers to the lack of a box to live in, or my willingness to step outside the box when I run up against one. Truth Living refers to that Jonathon-like ability to seek and live my truth, no matter what. I still don’t espouse many universal truths and don’t impose my truths on others, but I’ll be damned if anyone or anything is going to impose their truth on me, either! Finally, the DUDE part is to remind me to enjoy the ride and remain childlike, curious, willing to explore, to not know, to discover! I am Boundless Truth Living Dude and I will continue to rock my world!

When asked what I wanted to achieve in these last few weeks, I wrote, “To be what I teach. To have my own personal Playbook by Choice. Lastly, to have my materials finished and presentable, all twelve modules.”

What I found interesting is that, although I really want to do the workshops, and will, I’m recognizing that me living these truths is even more important and a cornerstone to a successful workshop career. I know that I will teach far more by who I am that by what I say, and truthfully, I want to be what I am presenting. Having recognized this, I also recognize that the next step is to market myself and the series, so my Red Phone activity for this week is to contact all of the Unity and Religious Science Centers here in the Northwest and using my Super Hero shamelessly promote myself and provide them with the opportunity to experience Mike Gifford and his message of empowerment.

I shared this momentum with Christine and we set up a reward, from her to me, that is so awesome only a fool would let fear or doubt stand in the way. Lets see how much of a fool I am NOT! Let’s see if I can fly like a Falcon even though I am in a Seagull suit. Here’s to a great and powerful week, no matter what happens around me!

Another Example of the Universe Blessing me through Others

My dear friend and Pit Crew Member, Wally Vlasik, has been talking with me every week after our Tuesday meeting. He always has incredible insights for me, as do my other Pit Crew Members. A couple of weeks ago he talked about a lady who had had an NDE (Near Death Experience) and had written a book, Backwards.

This week I received a DVD of a series of interviews with Nancy Danison, describing her NDE experience and explaining her life view and beliefs. As I watched the interview and listened to her words, I was blown away by how common our beliefs seemed to be!

Many of the concepts that are in my Playbook Series could have been taken straight from her talks. It confirmed for me that there is a universal source and that when we tap in to it the results seem to be the same.

I was so impressed with her and her desire to spread the message that I sent off an eMail to her and asked if she had any interest in collaborating and/or combining effort. I haven’t heard anything back yet, but am confident that we both have something of value to share with humankind. Wow, it doesn’t surprise me to hear me talking like that about her, but 4 months ago it would have been totally out of character for me to affirm my own value like this. I like how I am playing these days!

Week 10 RE-Create

One of my favorite authors, Neal Donald Walsh says:

“The deepest secret is that life is not a process of discovery, but a process of creation. You are not discovering yourself, but creating yourself anew. Seek, therefore, not to find out who you are, seek to determine who you want to be.”

“Every decision you make - every decision - is not a decision about what to do. It's a decision about Who You Are. When you see this, when you understand it, everything changes. You begin to see life in a new way. All events, occurrences, and situations turn into opportunities to do what you came here to do."

In my opinion, this is a big part of this week’s session. Add to the above, the playfulness of children and you have our adventure at Re-Creating. Our momentums for this week our about remembering who we are and who we want to be, and being childlike and having fun doing things like we used to do as a kid.

I’m going to list my affirmation and momentums here and then I’m going to share a very personal example of both that I got to experience this week with some of my Samoan friends.

Affirmation:
I am in High demand, as I Passionately present the Playbook Series with Authenticity from my Heart.

Momentums:

1. Go walking by myself on Wednesday, Friday and Monday, next week. I will walk at least an hour and will enjoy pushing while listening to my iPod and smelling the roses.


2. Christine and I have declared this Sunday to be Me day. From midnight Sunday morning until midnight Monday morning we will leave our phones home and spend time together and separately feeding our souls.


3. During the feeding our souls day we will be staying at one of the Marriott properties and I will take Christine to dinner and she will pick a movie for us to attend (maybe even at full price, although that is pushing a little) and we will share popcorn.


4. I will make a serious dent in my Success Book and be prepared to share it with the group on Tuesday so that they know what an incredible family I have and what an incredible life I have had.


5. I will create my Passion Board, with pictures representing my purpose in life, my ideal results and my passion. I will also have it ready to share at our next meeting.

So, here’s the story I promised to share that I think amply illustrates being childlike and doing something because it represents who you are; simply living and being that which you are.

I lived in Samoa from early 1966 to mid 1969. My dad taught at the Mormon school there and I got to attend school with Samoans and be a kid (11-14). I came home from school every day and got to decide, ”Do I want to go swimming in fresh water or salt water, or do I want to go play in the plantations of elephant grass and climb the trees.“ Did I mention that we had the best Mango tree on the island in our back yard? Oh, and that I could cut Sugar Cane, or pull a Cocoa Pod as we walked along and enjoy incredible food too?

As cool as that was, I also was surrounded by Samoans that showed me unconditional love, respect and admiration. While some of my American friends who lived in the village with us would sometimes tease or make fun of me, the Samoan kids never did. We always had fun together and they supported a healthy belief in who I was.

During this same time I was going through some internal struggles that were building the foundation for the addiction that was to come. Yet when I finally faced my addiction and came forward with the truth about me, it was my experience with my Samoan peers that gave me the courage to try to do recovery. In case it doesn’t show, I have a very special place in my heart for Samoans and Samoa!

Anyway, I’m attempting to paint a picture of a people who don’t put a lot of stock in the clothes you wear, the money you have, or any other external ‘things.’ Instead, they look for your heart and judge by your willingness to be true to it. The also tend to do a very good job of living in the now. We had a hurricane while we were there and it devastated much land and many of there homes. I remember driving from our home to Apia shortly after the hurricane and seeing grown adult men out ‘playing’ in the several feet of water on their property. I was somewhat surprised that they didn’t seem depressed or upset, until someone explained to me that the water would soon recede, so they wanted to enjoy it while it was there!

All of this leads to my experience of last Wednesday and Friday nights. Many of these Samoan friends were in town in conjunction with the LDS Conference so they had a reunion at Sundance. Christine and I joined them on Wednesday night. We ate a great meal, which was a combination of an American Thanksgiving Dinner and a Samoan Luau. The Thanksgiving meal was okay, but the Samoan food was even better for me.

After the meal, they went through a series of questions, about people married the most years, most kids, etc, etc. There was lots of competition, as they were giving away prizes, but there was absolutely no meanness and tons of laughter. One contest was to see if any of us had a bigger gut than Hans, the host. In a normal American setting, I would have shrunk and hoped that no one noticed me. Instead, I went out in the middle of the room with my friend Vaitu’u and promptly won a wind breaker! There was laughter and support, but no shame or judgment for my size. I even forgot to judge myself while I was up there with my friends!

At the end of the drawings they took the last several gifts and walked around the group making sure that every one had something! No one was to go home empty-handed. The first Samoan potluck that Christine went to with me was at my friend Selena’s house. Christine brought a casserole dish. As we were leaving Christine noticed that they were scooping our food out of the dish. She was a little surprised until she noticed that they were placing some of all the other food in her casserole dish, and then she was really surprised. Again, they wanted to make sure that everyone got some of everything!

After the drawings, we had a group prayer and they started a Siva (dance). Everyone got up and danced. I’m generally very nervous about dancing because I just know that when I step on the floor everyone is going to stop dancing and look at and laugh at me! That thought has never entered the mind of any Samoan! They are born to dance and sing and just assume that everyone is. As a result most of them have great voices and great rhythm! Everyone, including Christine and I, got up and danced. It didn’t even matter if you had a partner. If you were there, you were dancing!

After a couple of minutes dancing someone pulled out a camera and instead of running away from it everyone ran to it. They were laughing and totally present. These were adults my age (in their fifties), but no one told them that. They laughed and had joy and jumped in and out of pictures with abandon.

As Christine and I left the reunion, I turned to her and said, ”For our American friends to have that kind of fun and be that in the now, they would have to be drunk!“ These Samoan friends of mine had had nothing stronger than water and a little Coco Samoa to drink. They don’t need to loosen up. They take life serious, but they don’t take themselves too serious. They live in the now and are incredibly childlike.

I truly believe that one of the gifts God gave me to help through the rough years and through my addiction was three and a half years living among some of the most God-like people I have ever met. I have spent much of my adult life emulating what I have learned from them. I am truly grateful for the lessons that I’ve learned from my Samoan brothers and sisters. I will be using those lessons this week as I commit to Re-Create and Recreate. Things to my experience with Samoans there is hope that Michael Gifford will succeed this week!

How Peace and War fits with My Playbook Series

So, in my Playbook Series we talk about beliefs that are acquired from life and may not be conscious choice. Our premise is that it may serve us to challenge those beliefs and try on alternative beliefs. I also give several examples in the first (What We Know Can Hurt Us) Workshop. I lead the group down a certain path and ask them to seek an answer that lies outside the ‘box’ or path down which we have gone. Invariably, it is difficult for most people to step out of a path we start down together.

For example, Myrna gave me this one:
Do you understand Roman Numerals?
How do you create the number 10?
Answer: X
How can I add a single line and make it the number 9?
Answer: IX
Now, can you to add one more line and turn the number 9 in to the number 6.
This becomes extremely difficult for most of us because I have us going down two paths that don’t contain the answer. The first one is that we are thinking Roman Numerals. The second is that the line they added to 10 to make it a 9 was a straight line (I).

It takes someone really willing to step outside of the group think to come up with the right answer. The line that we add to 9 to create 6 is:

‘S’ ---------> SIX!

Hopefully, you understand the concept of Confirmation Bias (we only allow in to our senses those things that confirm our current beliefs). So, we played a game, which I won’t share with it, but to say that it started with this same mindset of thinking we knew what was said and acting upon it. We had a period of time to make a series of decisions in the two groups that we were put in to and achieve an ultimate goal.

Most of us made assumptions about being ‘us and them’ and acted accordingly. We started out the game trying to win at others expense. We all got in to auto pilot and did competition very well. There was also some victim stuff, some blaming and justification, etc.

Part way through the game Christine led her group to re-evaluate the direction they were going and have a Pow Wow with our group. It had never dawned on the rest of us to talk like that. We had the rules re-read to us and became clearing aware that we were not optimizing our efforts; that the rules never divided us in to an us and them for creating points.

After talking, we decided to trust each other and agree to work co-operative through the rest of the game. It was neat, and a sign of the quality of our coaching class that when we recognized where we had gone versus where we could have gone, we simply forgot the past, committed to the future and finished out the game with the maximum number of points that we could have earned from there out.

We were all sad and disappointed at our reactions and choices in the first part, but celebrated the second half when we recognized where we were and chose another path. Having said that, it was still a little shocking, to most of us, how quickly we went to war based on what we believed we were to do. There was even a little resistance to the suggestion that how we played the game was how we played life, but it quickly melted and we were able to apply the lesson to our lives and take away some pretty incredible insights.

Especially, given what I have been teaching, I was surprised at how quickly I went down the road I was led down, but was also proud of how quickly I recognized the path and sought another (the solution that I teach for confirmation bias). Neat way to play at an incredibly important message and get it in to my soul.

Week 9 Peace and War or Relationships

Affirmation:
I am in High demand as I Passionately present the Playbook Series with authenticity from my heart.

Momentums:
1        When I feel the threat of war communicate my honest feelings and be vulnerable instead of putting up walls or attacking back.
2        Stay in Peace internally regardless of what is going on around me.
3        Identify something I like about 2 new people every day.
4        Find 3 people that I play war with and find a way to serve them.
5        Create at least one new win/win relationship that will help me move toward my 90 day goal.

I will write more about Peace and War, but let me just say this was another incredible session and will be an incredible week as I identify myself playing war and make a commitment to change it.

My Gospital

I woke up this morning at about 3 and had this great thought. It was so compelling to me that I wanted to come write it here and declare it to the world.

BTW, Have I told you all recently how incredible I am, and fabulous my workshop series is? I am and they are!

The word Gospital came to my mind. Initially I thought that was kind of weird and tried to dismiss it, to no avail. As I contemplated the word it was obvious that it was a contraction of Gospel and Hospital. As I considered my own path, I realized that much of the source of my pain was church and family, that with the best of intents, constantly told me that I was wrong! Most of my woundedness came from trying to be true to myself, to the inner light, yet finding myself constantly at odds with the ‘shoulds’ in my life.

For example, that faith promoting story that my mom and I told about my thumb sucking. When I was about 3 I still sucked my thumb. My mom tried pepper, a sock around the hand and all kinds of other stuff to help me not to suck my thumb at night. The first thing that comes to my mind today as a father is that I must have really wanted to suck my thumb awfully bad!

My mom came to me with her belief system and asked me how I could overcome my thumb sucking. My first thought was, “why do I want to overcome something that brings me such pleasure,” but even at that tender young age I figured out that that wasn’t the correct response. She talked to me about how I could pray to God every night and ask for His help in overcoming. The story is told of how she would sit at my bed and night and watch the struggle of the thumb. It would start toward my mouth and I would catch it and resist. Eventually, over the next couple of weeks, I overcame! My mother and I have told that story many times over the years as a faith promoting story of how God can help anyone overcome.

With all love and respect to my mother, that story has come to have a whole different meaning to me today. Today I see that 3 year old Mikie as a confidant young man who trusted himself. Every once in a while, especially in his sleep, he enjoyed the comfort of his thumb in his mouth. In all sincerity, his mother came, and due to societal norms, let Mikie know that what he was doing wasn’t okay. The additional, unintended message was ‘you are not okay, and you cannot trust your inner directions.’ Not only that, but ‘you can use God as a sledge hammer (in more polite circles a ‘Refiners Fire’) to beat the bad out of you.’

As I have worked through the choice processes there is a point where we go back to our earliest memory that led to the erroneous feeling that we are working on. My thumbsucking experience is the most common experience that I go back to, regardless of the negative belief!

When I first discovered sex and it felt so good, I remembered my thumbsucking! When I first fell in love with a young lady I remembered my thumbsucking! When I dreamed my dreams of greatness and had those inner promptings I remembered my thumbsucking. When I tried to talk and express my inner self I remembered my thumbsucking, and I stuttered, as I tried to force the words out!

Lest I be misunderstood here, I get that thumbsucking, per se, has no significance and I’m not ready to start a national movement to encourage thumbsucking. However, the meaning and interpretation I gave it are significant, and my entire purpose in life is to overcome that message!

The message I got was that thumbsucking was not okay and because I wanted to suck mine, by extension, I was not okay, and I definitely could not trust my thoughts. My mission today is to convey to those in my workshops and anyone with whom I have contact that not one of us is broken; not one of us can get better answers for our life than those that come from within; not one of us is not loveable and valuable, as we are!

Just for giggles here is my contrast. My youngest granddaughter, Kennady, loves to suck her thumb. I love babysitting her. The greatest pleasure I get is laying down and putting her on my chest, holding her as she goes to sleep. As she gets sleepy, you can tell because one of her thumbs sneaks up to her little mouth and she puts it in. Shortly after that she goes to sleep. Her body goes limp and she trusts herself and her grandpa enough to just melt in to me! I wouldn’t have her any other way!

Well, I’ve told quite a story to get to the point of Gospital. Simply put, one of my favorite missions in life is to help heal perceived wounds, especially those initiated in church, or in the name of God! No matter where I go or what I present, I will always think of my facility as a Gospital for those who mistaken feel that they are sick.

Better to honestly feel sad that to pretend to feel glad!

So, this Tuesday at the coaching class I had an interesting experience.We started working on a Choice Process while playing with Clay Dough! The idea was that the tactile play would be somewhat distracting, allowing the mind to feel and better process the Choice Process, without all the logical disconnects.

While I’m writing my way through the process, I’m creating a masterpiece in the clay. I choose a piece of purple clay to play with. I was kind of flattening it out and working it rather mindlessly when someone opened a tube that had all these bright color intertwined. Jamie even commented on how kewl it looked. I waited seconds and no one took it so I did and started rubbing it in on top of my purple clay.

My choice process was on my need to look good in front of other people. At this point I was beginning to remember times when this had been important to me. For the most part, the looking good was generally an over-compensation for looking bad (in my own mind) or feeling judged by someone else.

These feelings led to a sadness that was reflected by spreading the clay out like a low profile fried egg. It was beautiful with all the colors on top, but they (others) couldn’t see the insides to know how it felt on the inside. To make it more reflective of the inside, I started putting holes in it and making it look less stable.

As we worked through the process we got to the point of listing the negative consequences. At that point I picked it up and from the edges brought it together to look like a cocoon. Because the bottom was solid purple, as I brought it around all the beautiful color was inside and all anyone could see was the monotone purple cocoon. As we continued with negative consequences, I took pipe cleaners and wrapped them around it, to secure it in it’s present cocoon shape. I even left one at the top going out like a stem, so that you could pick it up without ever having to touch it!

Now it was time to release our creation, as it was also time to release the old beliefs into the vacuum making room for new beliefs. To do this we all went out side to a pre-dug pit and were invited to throw, dump, hurl our creations in to the hole, as our affirmation of leaving it behind. Most everyone really seemed to enjoy it, but I started feeling genuinely sad. Even though it now looked ugly, I knew what was on the inside. I didn’t want to let go of that beautiful ‘coat of many colors.’ I wanted to somehow get in and rescue the beauty that was inside. Well, being the generally compliant person that I am, I waited until last and then, somewhat reluctantly, dropped it in to the pit.

Next, Jamie poured gas in the pit, and in a trail away from it so that someone could strike a match and torch the whole thing. The fire was warming and fun to watch, yet I still didn’t derive great pleasure from torching the past. When the fire eventually went out, we started taking the shovel and covering up the pit with the demolished ‘pasts’ in it. Again, everyone seemed to have satisfaction in it. I waited until last and put a shovel full of dirt over it, then dug at the dirt, breaking up dirt clods and compacting the soil a little.

I went back in the building still lamenting, and shared that with the group. Then as we moved to our new belief in the Choice Process, Jamie brought out new ‘virgin’ clay.He suggested that we each take a container and create our new belief. As I sat their contemplating, all of a sudden, I got a smile on my face. I took about a third of my glob of clay and then turned to the group and asked if anyone wanted to exchange some of their color for some of mine (out of character for me to go out of the lines and even more so to seek compliance from my partners). When I didn’t get an immediate response, I turned to Brody and asked if he would share a little piece of his white clay (again, in my old world of values I never would have put myself out to ask for what I wanted; especially when I had already asked a general question and gotten no response). Brody was happy to share some clay with me. Then Christine offered some of hers! Before I knew it, I had 5 or 6 different colors and was weaving them together into a new ‘Coat of Many Colors!’

Instead of creating a flat fried egg, I started rolling the ‘new me’ in a circle. It became this beautiful ball with swirls of color throughout. As I continued to roll it the ball became extraordinarily smooth. My sadness at loosing something that I knew was beautiful, but that I had covered up, was being replaced by great joy at this new something that I was creating (in part due to my memory of the past, but without strings to the past). That ball and it’s greatness consumed me and I was finally ready to let go of the old and embrace what I had created. I brought the ball home as a reminder of who I am!

In summary, a really important lesson I have learned is the importance of feeling what I am truly feeling, no matter how ugly it might appear, and no matter how much feeling there is of ‘you shouldn’t feel this.’ By truly feeling the sadness, and admitting it, I put myself in a position of being able to move on to the next feeling and having it be genuine, too. Had I pretended that all was well and that I was glad to be throwing away the initial clay creation that would have blocked my true feeling and I would have gone on pretending to feel great (what was my original belief in this process; something about needing to look good to others). By feeling what I truly felt (sadness) I was able to feel a new, genuine, feeling of joy, as I realized that I could create my new image and I could use my acquired knowledge in creating this something that even exceeded what I had hidden. Throughout the rest of the night, as we talked, I continued to handle my new creation and my mood continued to shift from sadness and moodiness to great joy and satisfaction.

I would much rather feel true sadness with the opportunity to shift it, that to ever put on a face and pretend a feeling, that precludes me from outwardly expressing what is really inside!

Week 8 Tactile Choice

My affirmation and momentums for the week are:
Affirmation:
I am in High demand as I Passionately present the Playbook Series with authenticity from my heart.

Momentums:

1. Time travel again with Passion


2. Declare that “I trust my inner wisdom and I am OK”


3. I will have a Guru Talk at least twice this week


4. I will add content to at least 4 modules


5. I will continue Shamelessly Promoting myself and the workshops

I have more I will write about last night’s class, but I will do it as a separate post.

What We Know Can Hurt Us Presentation at Law of Attraction Club

I did my presentation Sunday at the Law of Attraction Club. Frankly, I NAILED, the part of my affirmation that says, “Passionately present the Playbook Series with authenticity from my heart.”

We started with a little of my 12 step history and then introduced the concept of Confirmation Bias. We did the 6 Blind Men and the Elephant story and everyone took turns reading it. Then we went through the pictures and mind gyms.

I finished the didactic portion of the presentation with my series of numbers (2, 4, 6, 8, 10) and their task to find my rule for incrementing the series, through asking questions and/or offering an idea of the next number. We worked with that for a while and then Bill (the owner of Lotus Store) actually figured out my rule, “The next number must be larger than the previous one.”

This was all cool, but the really kewl part was ahead and it wasn’t even in my notes! We discussed that the solution to Confirmation Bias is the Scientific Method, wherein we create a Hypothesis and then test it. Frankly, the true testing comes when you try to disprove it! I pointed out that is your hypothesis is “Women are smarter than men” and all the testing you do is with women who agree you’ll probably never get any opposition, which could be okay, but it doesn’t really test the hypothesis.

I gave a funny political analysis and we all laughed at the absurdity of people only listening to the news that will tell them what they already believe and being in absolute denial of anything that doesn’t agree, labeling that ‘other’ news as bias.

Finally, I told them that I was going to get more serious and share the relevance of this on a personal level. I then talked about growing up with mixed messages. A couple really strong messages were that I couldn’t trust myself because ‘natural man is an enemy to God’ and that I definitely couldn’t sing. Those two things were ‘absolute truths’ in my world.

Along came the Outlook Power of Choice Weekend and I got the chance to test those ‘hypothesis’ by disproving them. I shared that I have spent years supporting my YOU teenagers and telling them that they can achieve anything. I shared about Taza coming to me and wondering if she should run for International Office. I told her that I believed in her. At IYOU where she ran and was elected to that office she came to me and told me that I, and me belief in her were a big reason she choose to run. I was touched by my power, but wasn’t willing to apply it to my own life!

During that entire time that I supported them and truly wanted the best for them, I believed that I had something to share and that that was my life purpose (but, remember, I can’t trust myself). I came home and kept doing IT. In January I lost my IT job and had thoughts that it was time to step out of the shadows, BUT… I continued to apply for IT jobs! Although I was able to apply for lots of jobs, thanks to the internet, 7 months later I still had nothing when I was at Power of Choice.

There were several things I did that weekend to test the hypothesis that I can’t be trusted and that I can’t sing, but the real crazy one was to accept the invitation by Jamie to get up and sing my theme song, “I gotta be me!” It was crazy. I knew that I couldn’t sing and that I couldn’t trust myself, but I got up anyway. The Monkey Mind was loud. So loud I couldn’t hear anything else; but I stood in the space and all the sudden the voices quit and the words came and I sang.

As I shared this with them, I knew I was about to sing and the voices came back saying, “You were lucky once, but don’t think you disproved the beliefs.” I shared with the group that those voices were in my head and they quit a lot sooner, and Mikie SANG, and he sang even better than last time, and he knew that the hypothesis were wrong, and eveyone there got it, not through my words, but through my actions.

LIFE IS GOOD; AND I FEEL BLESSED TO BE LIVING IT AS WELL AS TELLING IT.

I am a Wizard of Oz

I’ve been watching a series of workshops from Lou Tice of The Pacific Institute. Yesterday I watched the final installment and it really re-enforced my EOGs from last night. He combines 3 pieces to create the ultimate loving machine (my words). He suggests using:

1. A Rite of Passage or Graduation Ceremony


2. A One Time Affirmation


3. The Wizard of Oz

So here is the background. Rites of Passage move us from one state to another. For example, a High School Graduation acknowledges that we have been exposed to a set of information and assumes that we have a minimal skill set to function in the world.

A One Time Affirmation is a statement of fact that has a high likelihood of becoming fact. I now pronounce you man and wife is such a statement. After that statement most young adults ACT like they are married.

The story, The Wizard of Oz kind of puts these two together with it’s own additional spin. When Dorothy is lost Glenda suggests she travel to the land of Oz and ask the Great Wizard to see if he can help her return to Kansas.

Along the path she runs into a brainless Scarecrow, a heartless Tin Man, and a cowardly Lion. When they reach the Wizard and ask for his help he looks at each one and continually confirms that they already had in them that which they were seeking.

However, he uses the 3 steps above to help them see that they possess that which they are seeking.

For the Scarecrow the Wizard said that his head was full of stuffin, but all that he needed was a diploma. By the power vested in the Wizard he conferred upon the Scarecrow a diploma and told him that he was smart. Based on that one-time affirmation, through a rite of passage, the Scarecrow went out and acted differently. It was in him all along, but it took an outside person affirming it before the Scarecrow chose to believe it and act accordingly.

For the Tin Man the Wizard said that all he lacked was a Clock so that he could hear it beat. Through the power vested in the Wizard he presented the Tin Man with a clock and pronounced that he had a heart. Again, an outside person simply confirmed what was already there present and the Tin Man went out acting like he had a heart. A one time affirmation, through a rite of passage caused the Tin Man to act differently.

For the Lion, the Wizard said that all he lacked was a Medal. He then bestowed upon the Lion in his Rite of Passage a Medal and with the power vested in the Wizard affirmed that he was courageous, and the Lion went out and acted courageous, He needed an outside person to affirm his abilities even though they had been in him all the time.

Lou points out that many of us meet up with the Wicked Witch, instead of the Wizard of Oz. We may spend a lifetime being told how un-capable we are by those in authority over us. Over time we can begin to believe those messages and act just like they say, just as the Scarecrow, Tin Man, and the Lion believed the positive pronouncement of the Wizard.

My goal is to be a true Wizard of Oz and to take every opportunity through Rite of Passage and One Time Affirmation to see the good in everyone and everything. I intend to offer a Rite of Passage and One Time Affirmation at every presentation that I do and in every opportunity I have to interact with another human being!

Another theme song for me now is:
I’m off to be the Wizard the wonderful Wizard of Oz
Because, because, because, because
Because of the wonderful things I does!

Another part of the movie that Lou didn’t mention is how Dorothy finally got what she wanted. This is especially relevant to me and is the ultimate rite of passage and one time affirmation. The Wizard offered to take Dorothy home in his hot air ballon, but through a series of snafus the Wizard left without her. Dorothy was glad that she had been able to help her friends, but was in some degree of despair because it appeared that her own dream was not to be fulfilled. That outside source that she had counted on was gone and she had no other hope; or did she.

In my version of the Wizard of Oz, Glenda is actually that light or flame that I talk about in each of us. Hindu myth called it the divine, placed deep inside of man where they were likely to never find it. Anyway, Dorothy listened to Glenda one more time and Glenda told her, “The power has been in you all along. Just close your eyes, click your heals and repeat, ‘There is no place like home, there is no place like home.’”

When Dorothy closed her eyes and remembered Who She Truly Was and Where Home Was, she returned home. The power was within her all along.

I feel that I’ve had the good fortune to be touched by several Wizards of Oz along my path and they helped me believe what already was, so that I’ve learned to act like who I truly am, not who I from time to time think I am. As wonderful as these experiences were, the ultimate adventure was when I quit looking outside of me and got my answers from within; when I truly came to believer, “There is no place like home,” and then went to that place!

I will continue being a Wizard whenever the chance is there, but even more important I will continue to invite others to become their own Wizard!

Week 7 Extra Ordinary Genius

Affirmation:
I am in High demand as I Passionately present the Playbook Series with authenticity from the heart.

Momentums:

1. Prepare the first page of a Choice Process to take to next week’s class. Initially I’m thinking that it is on my need to look good to others.


2. Delegate 3 of my 3 or 4 level tasks to someone who can do them better than me and enjoys doing them better.


3. Strengthen my bond to my various teams (Buddies, Pit Crew, Spouse, Children, etc)


4. Build my team of facility co-ordinators


5. Create the specs for the website and workbook


6. Be a mentor at this weekend’s Power of Choice

We created a list of all the activities that we do and numbered them from 1-4, with the following legend:

1. Extra Ordinary Genius


2. Good but not passionate


3. Tolerable but not enjoyable


4. Hate doing

My 1s and 2s were things like writing in my journal and writing modules, searching the internet, creating content, social networking, interfacing with prospects, walking and meditating. My 3s and 4s were things like developing the website and creating the look and feel for it and the workbook. My objective is to do more 1s and 2s and find competent people to do some of the 3s and 4s.

They described effective delegation as having 5 steps:

1. Find the right person


2. A well-defined set of tasks with a specific outcome


3. A specific time frame


4. Boundaries within which they can act


5. Touch Points for follow-up and feedback

I’ve decided to delegate the look and feel of the

1. Website


2. Workbook/Presentation Materials


3. Advertising Material

What was really neat for me is that I’ve identified my ultimate goal and life purpose and my two largest EOGs to support that.

My ultimate goal is to continue seeing myself ever more as the universe does and to invite and support others to see themselves, likewise, as God sees them!

My two most fulfilling EOGs are

1. to create content and write authentically from my heart


2. to communicate with other people authentically from my heart

Another Example of Source Providing

Yesterday I received an eMail from Myrna. She had attached a half page flyer and a poster for our first workshop. I had just assumed that it would be up to me to create the collateral material (I’m still getting used to the idea that I don’t have to do everything alone or by my own muscle).

The flyer and poster were INCREDIBLE! She created an image of a cave that was super and her word-smithing is to be envied! I am very blessed to have people in my life who share my passion and help me to expand it by bringing their own unique views to it.

Thank you Myrna!

To see the poster go to http://web.me.com/thebigwiz/Playbook_by_Choice/Seminars.html

My first poem, The Committee of Fools and the Shadow

The Committee of Fools and the Shadow
by Michael W. Gifford
dedicated to Anne & Doug
and to my own Shadow

“Do this, do that, just listen to us,”
They cry from within.
“We know everything, and anything,
If we don’t you don’t need it.”

Thus the Committee of Fools has kept
me away from me all my life.
“No more you knaves…shut your mouths
I will not listen, give me silence.”

Out of the silence comes a still small voice,
“I’m here, I care, I’m you too!”
“But why have I never heard you, who are you?”
“They tried to drown me, so did you.”

“I love you…I know you had to survive,
but now you want more than that,
and so do I-I can help…please let me show you,
the other side, the embondaged you.”

I am your shadow…I am your power,
Unlike Hyde, I’m a beautiful bloke.
I just need air, and light, and hope,
Let us grow together once more.”

“You’re naked, you’re bleeding, your eyes how they wince.”
“I was left to die, but I won’t quit.”
“Let me nurse you and help you, how could I have left you?”
“You had no choice, but together we go…

Upward, onward, away from the past.”
“You’re beautiful, all clothed at last.”
“So are you as you wipe my tears.
I love you, as I knew I someday would.”

Together we go, my Shadow and I
Together in peace and harmony.
But what of the Committee of Fools?
Peace and Silence are not their game

While the Shadow and I go on our way,
The Committee of Fools continue to chatter.
But not with us, and no longer
Will they separate me from me.

My Passion for Life & My Mission with the Workshops

Alice Miller is one of my great teachers. John Bradshaw who talks about family systems and adult child issues quotes her extensively, so I looked her up and read Drama of the Gifted Child at a very vulnerable and important time in my life. Reading that book and then attending my first Community Building Workshop (CBW) with M Scott Peck is what precipitated my first poem, The Committee of Fools!

Alice talks about a system she calls Poisonous Pedagogy identified by a couple of primary beliefs. One is that the wife and children are chattel of the husband. The other is that children are born in sin and need to be disciplined and ‘made good.’ Many readers may react to that and say that that sounds awful but isn’t the state that they live in. For most of us, I would beg to differ. The religion I grew up in says it doesn’t believe in ‘Original Sin’ yet it is full of scripture to the effect that the ‘natural man is an enemy to God’ and their actions certainly testify to a belief that we are not okay without adult intervention to help us ‘grow up’ in the way of the Lord! My reading of Alice’s writings in this regard let to my belief in and publishing of my Healthy vs Poisonous Pedagogy Model in the back of our book, and the basis for much of the Playbook Series.

Anyway, in Alice Miller’s book, Banished Knowledge, she states as eloquently as I’ve heard it, my belief about good and evil and the state of the human condition. She writes:

It is not true that evil, destructiveness, and perversion inevitably form part of the human existence, no matter how often this is maintained. Bit it is true that we are daily producing more evil and, with it, an ocean of suffering for millions that is absolutely avoidable. When one day the ignorance arising from childhood repression is eliminated and humanity awakened, an end can be put to the production of evil.

In our Coaching Class on Tuesday, the biggest obstacle to us expressing our passion was a sense of judgment and proper behavior. There were comments like, ‘that’s so immature,’ or ‘I’m an adult.’ Jamie had us continually focus on being childlike and the more successful we were at being childlike the more we were able to feel passionate. As a society, we educate and discipline the power of God (being childlike) right out of individuals, making them ‘good’ adults.

My passion is to remember who I really am and to invite others to look inside and remember who they are too. I am a curious, innocent, bright eyed individual who loves to experiment and try new things; who doesn’t care how it looks to others. I love the journey and won’t be deterred or dampened by shoulds and oughts. That is what I believe is the natural state that is not only a friend of God, but God’s ultimate joy and desire for each of us. That is what I invite others to share?

I believe that having the courage to look inside for the internal flame planted by a higher source and then trusting that light to be The Light and living according to it, IS the way of Life! With all the pain and all the instructions that I was not okay, there was still a flame inside of me, and as I have turned to it and trusted it I have had increasingly more joy and satisfaction in my life!

Source vs Force

I got this quote on a list that I am on. I normally just read the quotes and go on, but this one caught my attention and explained exactly what I am playing with:

The Law of Detachment accelerates the whole process of evolution. When you understand this law, you don’t feel compelled to force solutions. When you force solutions on problems, you only create new problems. But when you put your attention on uncertainty, and you witness the uncertainty while you expectantly wait for the solution to emerge out of the chaos and the confusion, then what emerges is something very fabulous and exciting.

This state of alertness – your preparedness in the present, in the field of uncertainty – meets with your goal and your intention and allows you to seize the opportunity. What’s the opportunity? It’s contained within every problem that you have in your life. Every single problem that you have in your life is the seed of an opportunity for some greater benefit. Once you have the perception, you open up to a whole range of possibilities – and this keeps the mystery, the wonder, the excitement, the adventure alive.

Deepak Chopra
The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

Thank you Deepak for once again explaining something simple, but foreign to who I have pretended to be.

Week 6 Affirmation and Momentums

I think the affirmation and momentums reflect on what an incredible night it was! I’ve added one more word to my affirmation and I think my momentum steps are the best I’ve ever set (and I’ve done some pretty cool ones)!

Affirmation:
I am in High demand as I Passionately present the Playbook Series with authenticity from my heart.

Momentums:

1. Dance like know one is watching with Christine every day


2. Share my passionate version of life with 5 new people this week


3. Share my passion for my affirmation and goal (the why) with my support team


4. Share my passion for Christine with her in words and action


5. Write a love story to myself

This week is just beginning and it already feels incredible. I’ve used that word a lot in the last two posts, but it really seems to fit what I am feeling!

WOW! Week 6 Class really ROCKED!!

Christine and I just got home from our Coaching Class tonite and I’m on fire! This week’s topic is passion. As Jamie explained it, this is a compilation of 3 different weeks. We listen to the inner GURU, ignore and judgements, and risk looking stupid, inept, etc; that is PASSION!

Our main activity was to sing One Moment in Time with Passion. First we sung it as a group and did okay, yet we weren’t really in to it yet. Then he asked if we were ready to stretch and experience real passion? We were invited to get up individually and sing at the top of our lungs like we did when we were three! Mat started and really got us going. While he was singing the rest of us were clapping and shouting support as loud as we could. It was incredible!

Next, Robbie (Robert to all you adults) got up and let it go. He was incredible, too. After my two buddies had gone, I couldn’t wait to follow and give it my best. None of us would have won any karaoke contests, but we would have won biggest heart, hands down.

Next Coach Troy, then Sylvia, Christine, and Pam all gave it their best, while we applauded and cheered and shared in their success. Finally, Jamie went, at our coaxing, and it was obvious that this wasn’t his first try, yet he focused his praise on us.

As each person got to the “I want one moment in time” we all shouted it with them. What an incredible experience we had. Here’s what we were singing:

Each day I live
I want to be
A day to give
The best of me
I’m only one
But not alone
My finest day
Is yet unknown

I broke my heart
Fought every gain
To taste the sweet
I face the pain
I rise and fall
Yet through it all
This much remains

I want one moment in time
When I’m more than I thought I could be
When all my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I’m racing with destiny
Then in that one moment in time
I will feel
I will feel eternity

I’ve lived to be
The very best
I want it all
No time for less
I’ve laid the plans
Now lay the chance
Here in my hands

Give me one moment in time
When I’m more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I’m racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel
I will feel eternity

You’re a winner for a lifetime
If you seize that one moment in time
Make it shine

Give me one moment in time
When I’m more than I thought I could be
When all my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I’m racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time

I will be
I will be
I will be free
I will be
I will be free

As cool as the Ropes Course was this was even better. I’m still buzzing from being there with several close friends, risking looking stupid or silly, listening to my heart and realizing the truth of those words!

More Evidence that the Universe Supports Me

Yesterday I met with my bankruptcy attorney and give him my final payment. Half of that money came from a very unexpected source in an unexpected way.

Several weeks ago a dear friend sent her Mac computer to me to fix. I had it for several weeks and ended up doing a lot more than she probably anticipated. I actually purchased an extra drive, a powered USB bus and a couple other things. In addition to my time, I spent about $150 in hard costs. My goal was to fix her machine the way I would have done my own and to give her the best system I could create. There was no expectation; I simply wanted to serve someone who has meant a lot to me and my family over the years.

After I sent the machine back, as I started feeling the pinch of our finances, I started thinking that it would be nice to recover the hard costs. I thought about sending an eMail or something, but the predominant thought was that it was my gift to them and I would find another way to dig out of the hole.

Last week I got a card from her (about a month after she got the machine) expressing her gratitude, which she had also expressed on Facebook and elsewhere. She included a check for $500! I had had no expectation and even in my lowest times of doubt, at best, had hoped for the $150 to be reimbursed. By letting go and looking forward, I was served in a far larger way than I had imagined!

I am grateful for who I’ve become and for the friends that surround me and support me, as well as allowing me to support them. Life is better than I dreamed I could pretend it to be!

Week 5 Momentum and Affirmation

Affirmation: I am in high demand as I present the Playbook Series with authenticity from the heart.

Momentums; the first several are as a result of the ROPEs experience

1. I will promote myself far and wide. Everyone deserves to experience the Playbook Series.


2. I will continue facing my fear, making decisions and moving toward them without hesitation.


3. I will take at least one risk every day.


4. I will continue to write my experiences and share them.


5. I will continue meeting with Myrna and develop more content.

ROPEs Course

Week 5’s focus is on taking risk to get what we want. The experiential part of it is doing the ROPEs course. Given my level of physical fitness this was a great challenge. My goal was to participate in every event to the best of my ability.

Before we started the events we had a discussion on what our individual purposes were. Pam was committed to leadership and confidence. Robert was committed to letting Robbie out. Each of us had our own focus. Mine was to hesitate less between the time I commit to doing something and the time I do it. I have a habit of deciding to do something and then second guessing or trying to make sure that everything is perfect so that there is no risk to me. My goal was to trust myself to the point that I would make a decision and then go on with it, without analysis paralysis!

Our first event was a mental challenge with figuring patterns and moving 4 of us from one side to the other following some rules. I was competent here because it was fairly cerebral. Once we figured out the pattern we did it again, with only Pam talking as she guided us through the steps. It took a number of tries, but they say we got it relatively fast.

We moved from there to a big swing. You are strapped in to the swing seat and given some extra protection. Then our team pulls a rope that pulls you forward and up, way up! At the top, when you hit the pulley, you declare your next step and release the slip knot. It frees you to swing backward to Oregon (well, it seemed like it) and then forward and backward.

I was nervous but as soon as there was a hesitation (3rd one) I volunteered and got harnessed. I then went up to the swing and Adam helped me in. This was the first time that I experienced the disadvantage of my weight. My excess stomach made it necessary to tighten the swing. It was very uncomfortable and meant that instead of holding on to the metal bar I had to hold on to the metal cable to keep from falling backward.

They started pulling me up and I made the first commitment to my purpose of acting deliberately and promptly. As soon as I got to the top I declared, “I am going to promote myself and my workshops and each one of you deserve the blessing of attending them.” I then let go of the knot and thought I was going to die. The cable was vibrating my palms something terrible and I was flying back toward Oregon! I held on for dear life, keeping my stomach tight against the bar. It was the most incredible swing I’ve ever been on. Mostly it was enjoyable except for the nausea, but regardless of any sensations, I made a commitment and followed up promptly!

Next we went to the Dragon Lair. We were all on a round wooden isle with dragon dung that would kill us all around. About 15 feet in front of us was a rope (uh Dragon hair), and fifteen feet beyond it was a very tiny gold door (small piece of wood) that we were to all get to safely so that we could escape the dragon. We could use the resources we had with us and had 20 minutes to get everyone safely there. We started out rather carelessly, but smart. We took belts, strapped then together. put my keys on the end for added weight and got ready to twirl them at the rope. We carelessly let one end touch the dragon stuff and lost all of them. In the meantime, we also had two people step to close to the edge. They were taken away.

By this time Jamie had been to me personally, and probably even one else, too, saying, “How can you guarantee your success.” He would go on to say that numerous times and I heard the words each time, but didn’t get it for quite a while yet. We managed to get the rope using shoelaces and got Pam across safely. We decided to get me over next as my size posed a challenge. Jamie again asked about guaranteeing our success. I jumped up and started to swing, but never got my feet on the rope note and came off half way there. We stopped the exercise at that point and they pointed out how careless we had been. They then told us that as soon as we lost the first person we were all gone. They asked us to think about this as life and death.

We started the second time and were much more careful of each other and worked together better. We got Pam across again and then a couple of others. We then decided that Diana and I were next ones to cross over. We were beginning to get that we needed to do something different, but still didn’t really get the whole guarantee your success concept. We discussed that we needed to have people securely above the knot to make sure they would cross safely. However, we spent so much time talking about it that we got the one minute warning. At that point we were trying to get Diana up on the knot and then let her go, but we let time over ride guarantee and Diana said she could make it. We all let go and she jumped. She got part way dragged her ankle like I had done, but turned it very severely. She went to the ground and knew instantly that it was broken.

Pam came up immediately and put Diana’s head in her lap. A couple guys ran for ice and all the sudden we were all taking it seriously. We comforted Diana as best we could. She had the wisdom to instruct us to call 911. They came and braced her ankle and took her to the Utah Regional Hospital. It turned out that she broke both bones and required pins and a plate to put it back together. We went to lunch and talked things over as a group. We were all pretty serious at this point.

When we came back from lunch we did a brain teaser with Adam and then when Jamie and Doug got there they said we were ready for the next event. I said that was great as long as it wasn’t the perch. Of course, we went to the perch! I watched the first two people go up and volunteered to be next. I geared up, felt my fear and went for it. Climbing the spikes wasn’t too hard, but last time (20 years ago) when I had done this I got to the perch, was able to sit on it, but never was willing to try to stand and jump to the ring. Even though I’m over 100 lbs heavier I wanted to beat that. Douglas was particularly instrumental in talking with me before going up. He kept re-enforcing that I intended to do my best.

I got to the top spike but could not physically move my body over and on to the perch. I kept trying to get that right foot up (making some pretty ugly sounds in the attempt), but could never even get on to the perch. I had lots of encouragement from the group and at one point they realized that I had given it all that I had. Doug asked me to affirm that and then asked what I was jumping to. I had committed to climb in the face of fear and to jump to freedom. My arms and legs were jelly but I had enough left that the second time they counted me to three I jumped the best I could and let Adam belet me down. I got down to the bottom and they all recognized my effort with a big group hug and high fives.

Initially, I had a hard time congratulating myself, because I hadn’t done as good as the first time and had hoped to do even better. As I thought about it, though, I realized some major differences. The first time, when I got to the perch, it was all about how I looked. I sat there for quite awhile trying to look like I was taking in the scenery, but truly, scared to death. I was afraid to jump. Somehow I reached back to the belet rope and grabbed it and sort of fell down. There was lots of hesitation and fear, but I went as far as I did because I wanted to look good in front of my wife and the others there.

This time, I had just as much fear, but I started and kept going at a steady pace. When I got to the top I didn’t stop other than to gather it together for yet another umph. I tried mounting the perch several times until I couldn’t trust my legs and hands to hold me. At that point I decided to jump as best I could and finish the event. I jumped and they brought me down and everyone celebrated. Hours later I realized that the big difference was that I didn’t care what I looked like. I cared what I accomplished. M. Scott Peck, in People of the Lie, describes how we can do the exact same thing and come from two entirely different places. He called them Level 2 people and Level 4 people. The Level 2 people cared what they looked like; Level 4 people cared what was inside. In twenty plus years I had moved from that Level 2 person that I see as a hypocrite to that Level 4 person! I really did beat the perch, even though it may have looked otherwise to the outside spectator.

From the perch we moved over to do some trust exercises. First we took turns laying down with our eyes closed and, in silence, the rest of the group picked us up to their shoulders, then above their heads, holding us, then slowly lowering us back to the ground. I went about 4th and enjoyed the experience.

Next we moved to the trust fall. We were to climb up on a platform where we had a choice of a 3 ft ledge or a 6 ft one. I got up first and went for the tall one. When I got there and looked down it looked a lot higher than it had from the ground. I contemplated asking to go from the lower ledge. However, I remembered my commitment to make decisions and then go with them. I turned around, locked my hands, called out ready, to which they shouted back ready, then falling with their response of fall on. I immediately started leaning back and next thing I knew I was falling. They caught me with ease and then held me while each of them shared their feelings about me.

I then got to help with each of the others as they took their turn. Each one of us went from the taller ledge and stayed in the arms while we were held and talked to, than lowered to the ground.

From here they had us form a circle and close our eyes. They took us blindfolded around the area and eventually ended up back at the dragon’s lair, putting us on the initial platform for the 3rd time. This time we got what they meant about guaranteeing our results and took the whole experience seriously. We were going to get everyone across and save us ALL.

We got Pam across with the extra gold (I mean board, which she put behind the short platform. Next we went to work and figured out that we could use belts between the strands of the rope to form loops that we could put our feet in to keep us above the dragon dung. Each time someone committed to cross over, we held them and the rope until we knew that they would make it.

I got my foot in the stirrup and stood up holding on to the rope. I started to turn around but they were holding the rope and made sure I was aimed and let me go. On the other side I was caught and put on the board with Silvia and Pam, then we caught the remaining people. We were extremely crowed, but still had Mat to bring over. We positioned everyone and made sure we were stable then had Mat come over. We were able to hold him long enough to get a picture! We were all really grateful that we had the opportunity to try it again and figure it out. Then we found out that we had done it in 10 minutes; half the time we had taken to fail the first two times!

From there we went to our final event. Because our numbers were small they decided to have us do the log instead of the wall. The difference was that we had a large log fastened between two trees, parallel to the ground about 11 ft high. Our goal was to get each of us over it to the other side. Adam asked if any of us had any concerns. I raised my hand and shared that my arms and legs were jello and I wasn’t sure I could get up on my own and wasn’t sure if the group would be able to help me.

Adam listened and then we started the task! We decided to get Mat up on the log and help from above while we worked from below to get me up. In the meantime we had figured out that we could put belts around the log to use as pull ups. People volunteered to have me stand on them and get me up. We started working and got my hands to the top of the log, but then I slipped and came down. We talked some more and went for it again. I got my arms around the log and got one leg in to the pull up, but couldn’t get the other one up. I lost grip again and came down. At that point, part of me wanted to take me out of the equation so that they could succeed, but I got that they wanted to succeed with me, not without me, so we went up for the third time. We pushed up twice and then on the third push I got my leg over and we knew that we had made it.

After I fell to the other side (with kind arms catching me), they started bringing the others over. With what we had learned it was relatively easy to get the rest up and over until the last one. Douglas came last and jumped up to the belts and then pulled himself up to where the two guys on the log were able to support him and finish pulling him over. Success and I didn’t even have to find an excuse to exclude myself so that they could succeed without having to figure out how to get me over! Even more amazing to me, was that this new group of friends preferred it that way!

We finished with a little tree hugging exercise and a de-briefing. We walked over to Jamie’s car to sign a card for Diana and I rolled myself in to my car to drive home. When I got home every muscle in my body hurt; the big muscles a lot. Many steps had involuntary groans with them, but it was one of the best tired states I have ever felt. My right knee, in particular, caused some extreme pain, but I knew that I had done the best I could and have succeeded in making a decision and then stepping up to it! My day was an incredible success!

Week 4 Momentum and Affirmation

My affirmation is:
I am in demand as I present the Playbook Series with authenticity from my heart
This week we talked about judgement and how it can interfere with achieving our goals. My momentum steps are all base on that:
1 Be aware of judgement; given and received. Note who, what , when, where, and why
2 When I judge or feel judged I will grab the sticker off my shirt, was it up and throw it away
3 I will spend at least 2 minutes every day looking at my eyes in the mirror
4 I will write about how judgement hold me back from my goals
5 I will risk embarrassment to do something I really want to do
Additionally, I will do at least one more choice process this week.

Choice Process-I don't trust that the Universe will support me vs The Universe is my source

Since starting my journey with Outlook, a key component has been their Choice Process. This process is the one I went through yesterday and is so powerful for me that I decided to write it out here and declare it to the world.
So, the way this works is that we decide on something that we want to change in our life and then work through a series of questions to arrive at a new belief and then look for evidence to support it.
I recently did a session with myself where I wrote to me from my non-dominant hand (I know what you are thinking; you’re right; I’m not normal)! I learned this process from John Bradshaw in an adult child workshop. In fact, my left hand produced one of the most powerful, life-changing letters I have ever written to myself (the letter is in the last chapter of our book, When Love Hurts).
This letter started with, “I am still that scared little boy. I know you’ve worked hard but I’m not sure I can trust. This insane world is not friendly to me.”
I asked with my right hand, ”What can I do to make it safe for you?“
He replied, ”I want to float. You struggle too much. I don’t want to live like that. You need to get in the flow. Float down the river enjoying it.“
Well, that became my topic for the Choice Process; I don’t trust that the Universe will support me.
I had the topic, but hadn’t written anything yet. In the meantime, on August 19th I posted on Facebook:
To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.' When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. Concentrate on this sentence... 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.' Something good will happen to you today; something that you have been waiting to hear.
In addition, 2 of my momentum steps had been completed by grace (meaning that I set an intention, but I didn’t do EVERYTHING to make them happen). See Saturday’s blog.
Actually, I was feeling somewhat smug and wasn’t sure that the trust thing was really an issue.
Let me set this up with one more piece. A real concern that any rationale person were be dealing with is that I’m still unemployed and have been since January. I’ve applied for dozens of IT positions with very few responses, fewer interviews and no job. That’s okay, though, because my friend Mary Ellen got a newsletter from LifeLine, an organization that works with addicted youth. On the back cover it had a Job Announcement. It read, ”Life-Line is currently looking for group staff members who are committed to living a healthy sober life style and follow the ideals of Life-Line. Group staff members are expected to be role models to the Life-Line youth through their personal values of spirituality, honesty, responsibility, and professionalism.
Mary Ellen, my wife Christine, Jamie, myself and others thought that that description had been written for me! I called and got an appointment to interview with them this coming Friday. There were several other coincidences that I won’t go through, but the bottom line was that I was feeling confidant that the universe had led me to the perfect source of income, right?
Yesterday afternoon I got a call that some things had changed at Life-Line and they were not going to be adding to their staff. They were canceling my interview. . . .
I immediately went to ‘what did I do wrong’, then SEE the Universe won’t support me! Now I have the grist to work through the Choice Process. From there I called Jamie and asked for support. I could have gone in several directions. What I couldn’t deny was that the Universe had supported me several time this week and that I wanted to believe that it does support me. I had just posted that God doesn’t take things away to punish, but to make room for something better. Did I really believe that?
I cried a little on the phone and hung up and cried some more. I allowed myself to feel angry, scared, ticked off, everything that came up, and decided it was time to write my choice process.
The Choice
I want to change my lack of trust that the Universe will support me.
What I have done that created what I currently have:
Expect to fail. Trying to force things. Not being willing to be vulnerable. Wanting to know the end before I begin.
What I am feeling is:
Anger, sadness, unworthy, unloved
The belief that is causing these feeling is:
If I don’t take care of me no one else (including God) will.
Tracking the belief
My belief is:
God won’t support me in living my dream
The last time I felt this was was:
When I got the call from LifeLine
I remember feeling this way when:
I lost my job
Other times I have felt this way were:
Every time I apply for a job
When I’m asked to do xmas lists
when I dare to dream
The first time I remember feeling this way was:
My eighth birthday when I wanted a bike and got baptismal clothes. I wrote a poem about it where I said, “even God mocked me.”
Tell the same story from the point of view of the other people involved:
We don’t have the money to buy a bike, but we can afford a nice new white shirt and tie. We will feel so proud of you at your baptism.
Tell the story again, but change it to the way you wanted it to turn out
Mike, we love you. We only have $X to spend for your birthday. How would you like us to spend it? We can look for a used bike, or whatever else YOU would like.
What is the Payoff/Negative Results
The payoffs I am getting for believing this are
It gives me an excuse to stay angry and feel sorry for myself.
I don’t have to take responsibility
I don’t have to put my money where my mouth is
The negative results I am getting for believing this are
I stay in doubt about my self-worth
I feel alone and abandoned
I don’t get my dreams
Choice
Do I want to continue believing this?
Absolutely not
What new belief do I choose to create for myself?
God/The Universe is my source
Gathering proof
God gave me my 2nd appt-thru Mark
God gave me my 3rd module-thru Myrna
God gave me the grist for this Choice Process-Life Line
God supported me and my family through the early years of my addiction recovery
When I prayed and did it differently, I got different results; I changed; I didn’t have to kill myself
6 days ago I posted on Facebook where I am now
Today I choose that God is my Source
Know what your new belief looks like
Today I choose that God is my Source
The people I know who believe that God is their Source
Jamie Utley
Myrna Hirst
Wally Vlasik
Jackie & Wayne Green
Rev Elizabeth O’Day
Michael William Gifford
What will change in my life now that believe that God is my Source
I can quit trying to force success and just enjoy it as it comes upon me
I know that I am
I will simply ‘be’ and ‘allow’ God’s grace to unfold in my life.
Immediate Momentum
God is my Source so I will
listen and act when moved upon
look for income opportunities without forcing them
stay in the fear, anger, unknowing, etc and continue to believe
language ‘as if’
God is My Source

The Absence of ‘The Truth’ Sets Us Free

I had 2 momentum steps this week that happened because I set the intention, not because I ‘brute forced’ my way through them.
One momentum step was to set to dates for presentations. I had set one, but not the second one. I went to church at Religious Science and at the end Mark Welch came up to me and asked if I could do a guest lecture for his Psych 101 students. I said sure, and not only had the appt, but actually delivered on it the very next day!
I met about 60 young adults and had an incredible experience sharing with them what I believe about Confirmation Bias and the limitations it brings to our life. Their response was incredible. Most of them were like sponges, wanting any information that would improve the quality of their life and bring them closer to knowing who they really are (divine). It convinced me that the message and the timing are perfect and that there are many people who will respond in a positive way as I spread the gospel of self-love!
The over riding discovery we went through during the presentation was that if you know something, you can’t know anything else about that. The pictures, dots, mind gyms, etc, pointed out and re-inforced that as long as they held one thing to be true (their box) they could not easily hold anything else to be true. Before they could embrace a new truth they had to be willing to abandon their ‘known’ truth.
My second momentum step was to rough out two more modules. Christine and I spent time on the Poisonous vs Healthy Pedagogy, but I didn’t have a second one done. I had an appointment with Myrna Tuesday at Religious Science to Mind Map the presentations.
Low and behold, by the time we had refined our second mind map, we had the map for a NEW presentation that wasn’t anywhere on my list!
We’re calling it Living in a Cave, and it is the presentation that introduces the whole concept that we live our lives with filters (or plays in our Playbook) and that we have Choice in keeping them, changing them, or eliminating them all together!

We celebrated our youngest daughter's 21st Birthday

Jessi turned 21 today, so she wanted to celebrate at the Tavernacle, a local bar named after the Mormon Tabernacle. Tonight was dueling pianos night. Christine and I got there a little after 9. Jessi, Amanda, Melissa & Cyndi were already there. Julie, and Angie & Greg came later. There were also a few girlfriends and Paul, Jessi’s boyfriend.

It was so neat to sit there and watch our 6 daughters having fun, enjoying each others company, and in general, being incredibly functioning adults. We have been truly blessed by our daughters and I am so proud as I watch them go out on their own, get in to relationships, and live meaningful lives.

None of us, starting with me, is living the life I would have thought 30 years ago, but we all seem to have peace and joy as an integral part of our lives. I know that for me, my migration from religious to spiritual was a huge piece of who I have become. Having said that, I think the time in Youth of Unity (YOU) for our 4 youngest daughters has helped them to become the independent free spirits that they are.

I can’t believe my littlest one is 21! I am incredibly proud of each of them. I feel very lucky to be their father and to get to watch them grow. Today, three of the girls were at the house, with all 3 grandchildren. It is so fun to have them all in my life. I feel honored that they are independent, but none have been in a hurry to leave our house. They seem to find peace and joy here.

We took a bunch of pictures that I will post on Facebook. You can see how happy they are, and what good friends they all seem to be. As their father, I can’t ask for anything more!

Week 3 Day 1

My affirmation is:
I am in demand as I present the Playbook Series with authenticity from my heart.
My momentum steps for this week are:

1. Breakdown and quantify my goals


2. Time travel with at least 3 people


3. Set up 2 more presentations


4. Write 2 more rough drafts of modules


5. Continue posting and sharing

1. During our regular meeting we did a Time Travel Excercise. For this we moved ahead to our graduation day, which is Oct 27th. We wrote down several things as we viewed them at that date, having successfully achieved our goals

What are the biggest differences in your life?

1. I am paying all of my bills


2. I have seminars planned in Salt Lake and throughout the Northwest.


3. I’m getting inquiries from our website from all over the US and the world.


4. People are requesting appearances.


5. I’m actually creating additional staff members to help with the workshops.

What are the top belief or paradigm shifts?

1. I am a great presenter


2. What I have to share has incredible value to others


3. I am a man of integrity


4. I am even more authentic


5. It is okay to shine my light; in fact, to do less is unacceptable


6. Being on this earth is a blessing to eveyone


7. What are the top 5 benefits to my life?

1. I don’t have stress about answering the phone


2. I’m excited to get up every morning


3. I don’t have financial stress; we pay our bills timely and save and buy things


4. My life is in total harmony; my income comes from doing what I love


5. My life has incredible meaning

What were the first momentum activities that created this?

1. Created my team


2. Started creating modules


3. Committed to the Coaching


4. Did 100% every week


5. Started setting up presentations

Death

Yesterday I got an eMail from a friend asking that we cease all efforts to support her brother (another friend) in his efforts to heal from Cancer. She wrote:

Thank you all very much for your love and your energy work on xxx.  He is ready to go and so if you would please un-plug and send him on we would be grateful.  If any of you have been experiencing un-do pain it is probably because you are plugged in.  I am writing to let you know.
Much love and blessing to each of you,

So, here’s the rub for me;
I’ve been a long time advocate of self-determination in life, including death. I’ve been fairly verbose in stating that I don’t mind living past 100 if I have a ‘quality’ of life, but that I don’t want to live past 60 without that. I have a hard time seeing myself in a care center or otherwise being cared for by others, yet when I got this message about a friend who had been healthier than me, I got a huge knot in my gut.

I know he has been through a lot. I know that the last time I saw him he was a shadow of his former self. I know that Huntsman Cancer Institute gave up previously, yet I’d also heard reports of progress. The thought of him not being here did not equate, but especially of him just saying I quit and slipping in to some other state of being…

I worked hard on not feeling anything yesterday, in spite of attempts from a daughter and friend to help me see what I was feeling. Frankly, I didn’t want to explore and/or feel anything. As I’m sitting here I’m feeling my own vulnerability and mortality, and I’m already missing another friend. I guess the good news is that I have no judgment of his choices. IT’S ALL ABOUT ME, AGAIN! His choices are mirrors for my own stuff.

Some incredible changes are happening in my life and I’m exciting about living life and seeing just how far I can go and what I can manifest. I don’t want to be distracted by my mortality. I want black and white answers, none of this ‘between the endpoints’ stuff. I’ve put down 3 family labs. I cried each time and really missed them, yet I knew when it was time to put them down. It was more humane to help them move on than to keep them here. Why can’t it be that simple with us humans? Life isn’t black and white, thank God; I love full colored life; but it would be simpler if…

Week 2 Day 2-4

So I sent out the invitations to my five most influential friends to be my guides during this 90 day process. When I went to push the send button, I felt the twinge of, “What if they say no,” but I clicked the send button anyway. This morning, I had my first response from Myrna. I was excited when I saw her name, but as I approached the eMail I started to panic, “what if …” I opened it and she responded:
Who, me? I’d be honored. Count me in.
 
Myrna

Wow. What good friends I have. I too am honored that she would value me and my dream enough to Say Yes!
Thursday I heard from Mary Ellen that she would love to support me.
Friday, Wally sent me an eMail and said he’d be happy to support me, also.
That gives me 4 yes-es and 1 to go!

Week 2 Day 1

This week’s focus is on overcoming obstacles. One method for doing that is like gestalt therapy; sitting in one chair and playing the Goober, with victim language and a can’t attitude, then moving to the other chair and being my own GURU, responding to the concerns of the Goober.

My greatest obstacle was self-doubt. Here’s the advice my GURU offered:

1. It’s time to move toward doing it


2. Have courage


3. Remember your past successes; Sliding Rock in Samoa; only regret; wasting an hour before jumping in


4. It’s not about trying-just do it


5. Isn’t the experience worthwhile?


6. Make the magic happen


7. Take the leap of faith into oblivion with no guarantees; you did it once before, you can do it again


8. Just keep doing what you’re doing-keep it up!
   
   

Here are my momentum steps for Week 2:

1. Keep writing and posting


2. Keep reading my affirmation


3. Contact at least 4 people about the 1 Day Intensive


4. Approach Rev Elizabeth about being my mentor


5. Use my GURU Advice; read it daily


6. Set at least 2 appts w/GURU this week


7. Contact 5 people about being guides through this process and invite them to the next mtg
   
   
   
   • I have selected Angela, Myrna, Dan Muncie-Jarvis, Wally, and Mary Ellen
   
   
   
   
   

My Affirmation is:

I am in demand because I present the Playbook Series with authenticity from my heart.

My 90 day goal:
The What: I have completed at least 12 modules of the Playbook Series and to have completed at least 12 presentations.
The Why: Completing this goal will create even more integrity and congruence in my life. It will also reflect on a more complete Abundance, including financial. It will reflect my passion and create the highest level of freedom that I have ever experienced.

Week 1 Day 6

Christine and I attended Outlook’s new 1 Day Intensive yesterday. It was an incredible experience! We had a working lunch where we had an assignment called Power 3.
We were to:

1. Give one Random Act Of Kindness


2. Receive two Quarters


3. Exchange three Hugs

I didn’t see a problem with 1 or 3, but 2 seemed like a bigger challenge, so I focused on it first. My came plan was to lead with my strengths (my authenticity and my heart), so I looked for opportunities to ask strangers for quarters and/or hugs. I watched several people walk by and talked myself out of asking. Finally, I stopped a couple. “ Do you have 30 seconds? I’m not weird or crazy, I’m in a class and have been assigned to ask for 2 quarters and some hugs. Could you help me out?”

The husband turned to his wife and said, “Give him some quarters! He can get the hugs somewhere else!” This was the first couple I opened my mouth to!
For my Random Act of Kindness, I noticed a Gas Station across the road. I walked up to the intersection and then talked myself out of crossing the road. I walked back to the restaurant, knowing that I had committed to success and that I fully intended to make my commitment. About then Robert walked out. I asked if he had his Random Act of Kindness yet? He said he didn’t, so I suggested we walk across the road and clean windshields. He said sure and we crossed the road. The first guy I asked declined, but the next lady, even though it was raining and she wasn’t under the cover said, “Sure!” I was her windows and commented on what good condition she kept her SUV in. She was flattered and told me that she would tip me if she had any money. I told her I wasn’t looking for anything in exchange, but that I would love a hug, if that was okay. I got a great hug, and helped her to have a great day.
Robert had equal success with a young mom and her teenage daughter who gave us both hugs and went smiling on her way! We went to cross the road again, but the light cycle was off so we got back under the cover and chatted with a motorcyclist who was traveling through to Oregon. We had a great talk and gave him some suggestions on how to avoid I-15 through Salt Lake and Davis Counties. We crossed the street feeling better ourselves, with our commitments completed!
Robert thanked me for getting him out, and I acknowledged to him that I had tried it once on my own and had given in to fear. We both were served by supporting each other. As we were getting in Melissa’s SUV she said she hadn’t received her quarters yet. I said, “Let’s get out and get it.” She hopped out and while I was looking for someone she could talk to she saw a young couple and went straight up to them, asking for two quarters, without any explanation. It took the young man several minutes, but he looked and looked, until he was able to give her the quarters. She came back and thanked me for pushing her, but what I saw was a very determined lady who just needed to take the first step. After that first step I don’t think you could have stopped her! What a cool lunch!!

Week 1 Day 4

I’ve had some great days since we started the Coaching Class. I feel real positive about achieving my 90 goal, and yet I still have rough roads. Today was one of the less than stellar days.
I was talking to Christine and remembering the first days, weeks, and months of my sobriety in SA 25 years ago. That journey has turned out incredible, but I wasn’t sure it would in those early days.
The magic of twelve step was acting as if in the absence of certainty. We talked about sobriety feeling like it was ‘off the edge, into oblivion.’
There were times when I see huge temptation on my way to a meeting, but I continued to believe and put one foot in front of the next.
Now that I’m dealing with money and accepting financial abundance with the rest of my abundance, I’m feeling some of the same ‘newbie’ feelings, and sometimes wondering what the f---k I think I’m doing. Today, I had one of those challenges. While I’m focused on, and believe, that financial abundance is nigh, I went to the Utah Food Bank to get some food.
We stood in line for over an hour with a lot of people of all different backgrounds. I remembered my first SA meeting and the judgment I had of the leader of that meeting. When he introduced himself and said, “I’ve been sober for two years,” I had hope for the first time in a long time. and it wasn’t coming from someone who looked to have his act together.
Today, as I stood there, I felt shame and embarrassment that I was there with all that I know and believe. I even did some comparison, but the really cool thing was that when we got inside, the workers had no judgment about us. They were simply there to serve us.
I’m not proud of the choices I’ve made in the past that got me there, but I’m excited that I can make new choices and go to a new place! I’ve stopped blaming and justifying and accept responsibility for where I am and where I’m going.
I also noticed that while I felt shame and embarrassment, it didn’t last as long nor occupy as much mind and heart space as it did 25 years ago. I know this will have it’s challenges, but I also know I did it once before and that the effort was worth it.
Finally, I got a start of a website up today. It is http://www.playbookbychoice.com. I’m excited with where I’m heading and excited to have the support of the Outlook staff, my coach, and my buddies. Thanks Robert and Mat.